Yep, I did it. I asked the Lord Almighty for restraint from a CHEETOH. At the end. Bottom of the barrel. End of the Road. That's where I'm at. No worry...not like I'm ready to actually meet the Big Guy in the Sky. I just want to be able to fit into my pants.
So here's how this all unfolded. I'm at Sam's with RRB. Told him to grab a couple bags of something they would like in their lunches. Chip type stuff. Don't pay much attention. A couple days later RRB grabs this bag out of the pantry. It's an orangish red bag with pictures on it of all the different types of things (fun, yummy items to eat) that are mixed together in the bag. I commented on how gross that all looked. Yeah, right mom---what are you talking about? This stuff is great! Well, it just looks gross.
So a few days after that while making the kids lunches early in the morning, I take a harder look at that bag. Yeah, some of that stuff I like too. So I stick my paw into the bag and draw out a small handful of "stuff". Sure enough...RRB was correct in his assessment of the "orange stuff". Pretty darned tasty. Like you've never known me to be somewhat "positive" about any food items before, huh? Here's the deal...I, unfortunately, like practically ALL food items. And, to ever even think that I wouldn't care for something is ridiculous. Picky--not so much. So, turns out I like the orange stuff. Surprise, surprise!
Alrighty--so how does God end up all mixed up in all this you ask. Well, I've got a little time on my hands this past Thursday. I'd just completed one of my good deeds for the month...my Meals on Wheels route. And, I've been perusing my closet trying to find something more "stylish" to wear (is that what the problem was? just no style?) So, very matter-of-factly I decide I'm going to stop in Dress Barn and pick up a couple more stylish tops to wear. I go, without much hesitation, I choose...the largest size in every item. I hit the dressing room. I try one top on ("try" being the key word here), and I try on the next and the next and the next and the next twenty items. NONE looked good--that is, if i could even get them on. Keep in mind, it wasn't like I could go out and get another size like I hear the other people in the dressing room doing. I was already in the biggest size possible. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror at one point and briefly comment in my head.."whew". Not a good "whew" by the way. So, after all this determination, I've got one shirt that is wearable left hanging on the "keep" hook. This is pathetic. I am about to get my own clothes back on, when I make the conscientious decision to turn and take a good hard look at myself in the mirror. No denying---it was disgusting. Really. It really was just plain old gross. I was a bit taken aback. Sort of shocked and then very quickly mad. How on earth did I let myself get like this? Seriously, I really don't know how I let this happen...or do I?
I leave the store feeling defeated, ugly, pathetic, disappointed and mad. I mean, I'm an ok person. I've got a decent enough personality. I do kind things. Good Heavens, I just finished taking food to the less fortunate. People seem to like me. I'm smart, rather humorous at times, conscientious for the most part...I'm a good person. So what's up with the atrocious body fat? It was everywhere. Arms, back, legs, butt and don't even want to revisit the gut picture in my head. Yuck. What on earth have I done to myself?...and, more importantly...why?
Enter GOD--or so I think later on.
I also need shoes. Maybe now would be a good time to run in the shoes store and pick up some of those cute little round toe flats everyone is wearing. I mean shoes are always going to look great right? No worries there--uh-huh. So off to DSW I go. I run in, grab everything (4 boxes) I remotely like...and in a size smaller too!! Wow. At least my feet have shrunk. Yeah right.
Head home throw all packages in a corner and prepare for a busy kid evening. While RRB is at wrestling practice, AMB and I run our Supercenter errand. I throw all sorts of things in the basket. Lots of cute flip flops for AMB, our food items, some taking-care-of-feet items, and some bathing suits that I literally yanked from the rack in haste. I'd like to interject at this point that our entire family is going to Hawaii in a little less than four months. Of COURSE I'll need a bathing suit or two. So we run to the checkout as it's getting to be time to pick RRB up. I see a copy of Good Housekeeping on the checkout aisle and it says something about a bunch of women who lost a lot of weight and kept it off and their "secrets". How many times have we all heard THAT one! I throw it on the checkout belt.
Well, after getting home, unloading, getting kids settled for the night, I finally have time to try the rest of my sure-to-fit purchases on. OMG!! I had no idea that even little round toed flats could make you look as if you had just gained 43 pounds...but apparently they can. Suffice it to say it was one tiny notch up from the morning's Dress Barn experience. Dejected and upset again, I plop down (nope, putting on the ol' tennies and taking a jog did NOT enter my mind at this point) and pick up that Good Housekeeping article. Well, the long and short of it is that these women decided to start exercising some and eating less. WELL DUHHHHH!
ENTER GOD---you know the story about the flood waters and the guy who doesn't leave the top of his house because he knows God is going to save him?? That's when it hit me. Not once, not twice, but THREE times today God has chuckled to himself and said, "how on earth did i create such s-l-o-w people"---and He's said that after throwing me the not one, not two, but THREE life preserves. #1 - There will be no tops in THE LADY'S STORE that fit you. #2 - After you ignore that one, all SHOES you try on will make you appear even larger. #3 - Catch a clue (even God gets weary), YOU JUST STOP EATING SO MUCH AND MOVE AROUND SOME MORE.
So, there I sat this morning while making the kids lunches saying a real-life prayer to God to help me not stick that dad-gum Cheetoh in my mouth. Can you believe that? Can you believe after all this agony that I STILL want to stick that darned Cheetoh in my mouth. Lord. Oh yeah--guess he wants me to do all the work, huh?! Well, for now I imagine He's got my back.
