BLACK NAVIGATOR LADY

First of all, please know that this is simply a venting…I have read the newsletter pleas, etc., etc., and I know there truly is nothing you guys haven’t done already to encourage parents to drop their kids off in an appropriate “driving” manner!

Ok, so I decided it would be a “good idea” to take Anne to school today instead of riding the bus…

What on earth was I thinking?

I have never seen such crappy displays of A. rude driving behavior, or B. idiotic, ignorance behind some very nice vehicles, or C. just s**t-heads for adults/parents. (did I mention that I wanted to vent…and not in such a “PC” manner?)

I’m pulling up to Jarman from the east since we’d dropped off some stuff at a friend’s house this morning. I get in the little drop-off-your-kid-at-the-curb car line on the right side of the road and pretty soon this big-ass black truck drives by on my left. I think, no problem…the guy needs to get through to Memorial…he’s off to work. (clearly he’s late, but he’s off to work nonetheless). But no…he pulls around the cars in line into the parking lot. “No problem”, I say to myself. Surely he’s pulling into the parking area. Nope, not that either, he pulls around and cuts off a car about six cars in front of me in the drop-off-your-kid-at-the-curb car line and goes about his merry way taking his precious child up to the little drop-off-your-kid-at-the-curb car line in a very rude, but expedient fashion. Ok, maybe I would have wanted to get that kid dropped off faster too.

Anne is yelling, “HEY…HE’S NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT”! Well, Anne he’s probably in a hurry and let’s just let it go.

About that time, Black Navigator Lady pulls up to my left. Again I am naïve enough to think, “well she just needs on through here, but I’m not pulling over because I’m only about three or four car lengths from being able to turn into this god-forsaken parking lot and she can get through the middle to get past on her way to her ever-important job that helps her afford this nice big shiny Black Navigator”. So I stay my course in my scratched up silvery gray land yacht. As she inches through, it becomes painfully clear that she is, in fact not inching through, but instead inching (and more like lurching) into my silvery gray land yacht. Now, I realize that at one time I thought I had the fanciest car in south Tulsa. I had moved up from a blue Dodge Caravan with 158,000 miles on it to a Eggplant Purple Suburban extra long model, to now the ever-sporty silvery gray Suburban XLT with 4WD. Did Black Navigator Lady not know this? Did she not see me? Well of course Black Navigator Lady saw me…how could you not—I’m in the land yacht for pete’s sake!

Black Navigator Lady has no turn signal on indicating that this is the very first day she’s ever done this and “oops” she’s made a mistake and just missed the fact that there were eight or nine cars in the little drop-off-your-kid-at-the-curb car line and now she’s stuck and really, really sorry and could we please let her and her nice big shiny Black Navigator in to the drop-off-your-kid-at-the-curb car line now. Nope, by gosh, Black Navigator Lady has done this all intentionally and does not mind one bit if she hits the front driver’s side of my silvery gray land yacht. This is the point at which things take a turn in the silvery gray land yacht of mine. Anne is yelling, “HEY…THERE’S ANOTHER ONE…THEY ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT”! And, I, being of sound mind and having a few years of driving/parental/adult/good-decision-making experience under my belt calmly say, “nope she’s not” as I pull forward in an attempt to signal to Black Navigator Lady to move on down the road with her nice big shiny Black Navigator. Just as I pull forward, Black Navigator Lady makes a nice angular move in front of me all the while blocking all the traffic that truly is trying to get east and west on the through street.

At the first possible moment she can, Black Navigator Lady whips in front of my tiny little silvery gray land yacht with her kid bouncing around unbelted. We all stop and I am about 5 seconds from getting out of my car and “politely” walking up to tap on Black Navigator Lady’s window and explain to her how this whole system works. Instead I choose a nice little horn honk. That didn’t seem to make me feel better so I ever-so-quietly murmured the phrase, “bitch” under my breath. Clearly not low enough as my 11-yr old daughter’s head swung my direction. I acted as if I hadn’t heard a thing and in a minute or so simply said, “honey, would you see if you know who gets out of that nice big shiny black car in front of us?”. “yeah, sure…pull up some more mom”. Uh-huh…and exactly what do I think I’m going to do with THAT information??? Hunt the little girl down who hops out of the nice big shiny Black Navigator? Find out who her moron parents are so I can go give them a piece of my mind? Keying the nice big shiny Black Navigator did cross my mind.

Instead, I hurried Little Anne out of the car at the drop-off-your-kid-at-the-curb car line several car lengths from the door (another thing…do these parents think that the kids can’t walk a whole three car lengths to the door without dying before they get inside?). I said, “have a great day…love you”, pulled out of the drop-off-your-kid-at-the-curb car line, pulled up by nice big shiny Black Navigator Lady, watched her bouncy, dressed in pink, fluffy black-haired daughter get out of Black Navigator Lady’s car, and when Black Navigator Lady finally wondered who the schmuck was sitting next to her in the scratched up silvery gray land yacht she nearly hit, I scowled at her and her nice big shiny Black Navigator and drove off.

Next year can I get a part-time job directing traffic out there in one of those fluorescent vests? And, I liked to be carrying a large visible weapon while I pleasantly direct all those impatient, morally bankrupt, egotistical, self-centered, idiotic, rude drivers who attempt to cut in front of a whole line of patient car drivers at the drop-your-kid-off-at-the-curb car line, to the back of the line or else I blow their tires out with my handy dandy weapon. Is that too harsh for the district? I’m thinking the kids would love seeing the old lady with the bright vest taking on little "Ashley’s" mom who never, ever waits her turn…just like little Ashley.

For now, I guess I’ll go take it out on that stupid, condescending Wii Fit “trainer”.

Venting over…thanks.

I've Become "One of Those Moms"

Wow---two weeks can go by quick! And, just think of all the clever missed blogging opportunities. Only one stellar occurrence sticks out in my mind...well now two....well, maybe...

OK, well the first is last week's Jarman Open House. Lord knows there is no one on the planet who loves a good Open House night more than me, but I had issues this year. PSB had been gone for a while (he's back as of Saturday--yay!), so I was on my own with the kid schedule. You would think that down to two, it would be a breeze, but noooooo. I didn't have anyone to watch AMB for the night. Even though it was her school, they really aren't supposed to be there so that the teachers can "speak freely", which, of course, I am SO supportive of (no, really). But I'm also not to the point to leave my 9-yr old home alone! So here's what I sent the Principal:

Dear (lovely-principal-whom-i've-known-for-YEARS)--

I have a dilemma. Considered not mentioning it, but have decided to be up front about it.

I have no one (well, short of the queer little man in the cul-de-sac or some insane 10th grade girl who smokes dope at the bus stop) to watch Anne this evening. Although I feel certain that she could fin for herself perfectly and probably have the entire house in order and cleaned up after whatever party she decided to host, I just feel “funny” leaving a 9-yr old home alone. Far be it from me to have her older brother miss his “fun night” (yeah, right) at the I-Hi, where hormones will rage significantly, and stay home with her. Also, far be it from me to push my luck with Grandma who is my only hope to be able to go see OU-Miami this weekend (even though Grandma doesn’t know that yet).

So here it is…I either miss my 14th (yes, fourteenth---one, four) Open House, which of course I would rather pour acid in my eyes than miss my 14th Open House, or….I bring Little “Miss Anne” tonight with her book in hand, and plop her down in the lobby, or outside on the bench, and threaten her within every inch of her life is she does anything but appear to be a stellar example of Patriot Pride. She could sit outside and read like that statue at Helmerich Library (we could stack a bunch of books under her), and maybe all the newbies would think, “wow, this school must really do a great job, since this little girl is just sitting here outside, reading. Where is her ipod? (I’ll have her hide it) Where is her hand held electronic game thingy? Where is her portable dvd player? Her cell phone? Why isn’t she text messaging someone? My gosh, is that a chapter book she is reading? Wow, I can’t wait for my beloved child to learn how to do that”

So, I wanted you to know in advance that I have, in fact, become one of “those moms”, who has to drag her kid around with her everywhere she goes. This way you can all talk about me amongst yourselves freely now. But I’m pretty sure I can bribe Anne sufficiently enough to pull all that off…that is, if it’s ok with Mrs. Pitcock. Let me know.

(Lovely-parent-patron-of-MANY-years!)

Yep, so that's me being oh so clever...or so I thought. Here's what I received back:

Read on…I sent this to everyone at Jarman…they are enjoying your humor and many have guessed who it is, even with me leaving out the name...

Everyone needs a laugh on Friday…so here is an email I received from a humorous parent of ours that is asking to bring her daughter to Curr Night Tonight…I didn’t receive it on time, but she came and was well behaved…Read on for a laugh…some of you may guess who this parent is…

(That same lovely principal of which I spoke earlier)

Well, now...guess that shows ME. I don't think I'll ever be clever again. Who knows who this went out to? Who knows who was offended by my lack of sensitivity? Ohhhhh, this list could go on and on. I guess the best thing to do is move forward and make sure and not wear any make-up, have shaggy hair and walk with my head hung low so no one notices me.


Let's see, other news, or at least really time-consuming activity around here is this Financial Peace University class I mentioned earlier. Man, this stuff is nuts. I find myself thinking about it all the time. Last night my bedtime read was a Suzie Orman book where I find myself obssessing over Revocable Living Trusts or trusts. Can you imagine something that completely boring keeping you up at night---well, it did me. I cannot believe what a geek I have turned into. It's almost embarrassing. And, yes, I really couldn't sleep last night because of thinking about all this--how ridiculous.

(I've fast forwarded to Jun 2008, re-read this draft and decided to publish "as is"!)

Describe an ECLIPSE so I don't have to wake up

Well, apparently I'm not so terribly exhausted that I can't churn something out at 11:37 PM now! The most exciting thing (and this could quite possibly be the most pathetic exciting thing) about today was that I got up in time to witness the Lunar Eclipse. Yep, sure did. Jealous, aren't ya. Well, just know that I stared at it for as long as I possibly could without falling over my new walking shoes shoelaces and also without walking backwards. It did make me walk pretty darned fast this morning though, as it was at my back the first part of the walk and I wanted to be able to multi-task by not only getting my walk in, but having something sort of cool to stare at...and then there is my cool & oh so groovy ipod. Diversion.

ok, so I told the kids tonight, "guess what I saw this morning"? And, they, of course didn't want to play the guessing game, so I quickly told them..."THE ECLIPSE"!! Well, far be it from little AMB to not give mom the desperately needed reaction she was hoping for---"wow---REALLY?". uh-huh. Then, from the back seat RRB asked about what time was it & I told him around 5:45 & that I had thought about getting him up. Of course he said "you should have. I could have seen it and then fallen right back to sleep" Oh yeah! Can you imagine....tap, tap, tap....RRB...wake up...the Lunar Eclipse is outside...you'll have to get some pants on and walk down the street to see it around the trees....what?...5:45...yes, in the morning...ok, sorry to bother you" Yeah RIGHT!!

But, the Eclipse conversation did not stop there...oh no, there was MORE excitement. Since I hadn't been thoughtful enough to awaken him from his beauty sleep, RRB was at least curious..."what'd it look like?". Have you EVER had anyone ask you what an eclipse looks like? Well, like a moon with a dark orange drapery over it. I thought that was pretty cleverly descriptive, but nope...not so much. "Well, so the moon was in front of it?" "In front of what?" "In front of the sun". "No, not in front of the sun...it had a shadow over it" Well, I think it's fairly apparent that at this point the eclipse conversation had pretty much lost its interest.

But then the strangest thought flittered (a form of fluttering, not quite as consistent) through my head. ---what if that is the last eclipse I ever see?--- I sure hope that's not some sort of weird premonition. If so, it's really gonna stink.

We skipped swim tonight for AMB. It's been a weird day. I am determined to fulfill my Ebay obligations and, for at least TWO days now, I have done so. But, it's all crap--sorry, but that IS the most accurate word for this stuff. We'll see. Anyhow, after fulfilling my obligation which was after laundry which was before dishes, I realized I had let RRB go do something fun, when he really was supposed to be grounded. Boy I hate it when I do stuff like that. It's such an enormous pain in the rear to then go back and "re-mean"--you know...that state you are in when you actually follow through with your punishment cause you know at that very moment it is the most correct parental thing you can do. Anyhow, I screwed it up. And all that while taking a look at finances in preparation for my FPU class tomorrow night.

Went from being mad about forgetting grounding, to being mad about spending too much money. Wow...major parent fouls all over the place today. Hopefully I'll do much better tomorrow.

Oh and I found the most giant turtle this morning under Ms. Beth's car! I swear this guy has been here years. He just looks old. And he's sort of red-skinned--he's pretty cool. Of course he promptly ran off. After the bunny incident from last week, I think he had heard through the cul-de-sac creature grapevine, that this would not be the wisest spot for him to end up in.

I need to take pictures. Maybe I'll just take my camera out tomorrow and shoot weird stuff...with my camera that is! Good idea. However, for now I think it is fairly obvious that my creativity is waning (sp check), so good night to all and to all a good night. tygftd