THE PERFECT BIG SURPRISE

In TWO Days, I hope to have a scrapbook done for my daughters 13th birthday. The story that is going in the book is below. Thank you to everyone--all our family, my sister, my parents, all our friends (new and old) who have encouraged me to appreciate the best Big Surprise I will ever, ever have. And most especially to Steve who, I believe, was truly sent from God to show me what true love is and to teach me what is really important in this journey--I love you.

Once upon a time in a land not so far away, there lived a wonderful family of five. There was a Mommy, a Daddy, a Big Brother, a Sister and a Little Brother. They all lived very happily together and each had their own “specialness”. Little Brother was a funny little boy. He was always putting on a show and he loved to move a lot. Sister was a very sweet, smart young lady. She liked things “just so” and she was a great helper to everyone. Big Brother was a caring and dependable young man. He took things very seriously, but liked to play with his sister and brother and friends too. Daddy was a very hard worker and always had time to wrestle with the brothers, help with homework and play pretend with the sister. Mommy was busy. Mommy took care of her three little kids all the time. Sometimes she took care of other kids too. She cleaned and cooked and made sure everyone brushed their teeth.

Big Brother, Sister and Little Brother had many friends and Mommy and Daddy were friends with those friend’s parents too. Mommy and Daddy liked having friends and family nearby. In the summer time many of these friends would get together at a swimming pool and let the kids play together all day long. It was lots of fun and they named their group of friends The Village. When each summer ended The Village friends would go their own separate ways and see each other now and then until the next summer rolled around.

One year there was a special event that brought all The Village people and many other friends and all sorts of family together at a different time.

One fall Mommy started to feel a little different. After several weeks of feeling different Mommy decided to go see Doctor. Doctor had some very special news for Mommy—there was going to be a Big Surprise. That night when Daddy returned home with Sister, Mommy told Daddy the very special news about the Big Surprise. Daddy was very surprised too. Mommy kept a secret---the secret was that Mommy was very, very worried about the Big Surprise. Mommy was worried that she wouldn’t be able to do a good job taking care of the Big Surprise. Mommy worried that she was too old and too tired to have such a Big Surprise. And, Mommy was a little scared that her old tired body might not be healthy and young enough to have the Big Surprise.

Right away Daddy knew that Mommy was worried and he knew just what to do to make Mommy feel better. He told her the Big Surprise was a wonderful surprise. He reassured her that she would do a great job and he, of course, would always help her. He did his very best to show Mommy that he wasn’t worried at all…even though Mommy knew he was a little bit.

Time passed and Mommy and Daddy kept the Big Surprise a secret for quite some time. One cloudy cool day in the winter, Mommy and Daddy told the kids that they were going on a picnic in the park. The kids were excited and helped gather everything for their fun day. When they got to the park the wonderful family of five played Frisbee, played on the swings and played ball. Then they gathered together, spread the blanket on the ground and began to eat their lunches. It began to get very cold and Mommy and Daddy knew that it was time to share their special news about the Big Surprise.

Mommy and Daddy asked the kids what they would think if they had another brother or sister. Baby Brother thought it would be great so that he wouldn’t be the baby anymore. Big Brother thought it would be nice too since he liked having a younger sister and brother. Sister thought it was just fine the way the wonderful family of five was now. When Mommy asked her if she’d be ok with another brother or sister, Sister thought and said she probably would, but she’d be GREAT if she had a little sister. So Mommy and Daddy told their three kids about the Big Surprise---that this wonderful family of five would soon be a wonderful family of six! Big Brother didn’t believe Mommy and Daddy at first and had lots and lots of questions. Little Brother was very, very excited and jumped around a lot. Sister was excited too and began planning right away for a new baby sister. And everyone wanted to know where the Big Surprise was going to sleep.

After the new year had come and gone, it was time to tell more people about the Big Surprise. Most of the time, they let Big Brother, Sister or Little Brother do the telling…it was nicer that way. Everyone was very, very surprised. Some family and friends were more surprised than others and some had very surprising reactions. But eventually everyone got used to the idea of the Big Surprise joining the wonderful family of five and soon everyone began to be very, very excited about the Big Surprise.

One day Mommy had a special appointment. She and Daddy were going to find out if the Big Surprise was going to be a boy or a girl surprise. Mommy decided that it would be a good idea for Sister to go also. Sister would need some extra time to think about things if the new Big Surprise was going to be a Boy Surprise and Mommy wanted to make sure that Sister had plenty of time before the Big Surprise came. So, they all three went to Doctor’s office, A very nice nurse took them to a dark room where she took pictures of the Big Surprise in Mommy’s tummy. The pictures were hard for Sister, Mommy and Daddy to make out, but then the nice nurse pointed out the parts of the Big Surprise and Mommy, Daddy and Sister were very, very quiet while watching the Big Surprise move all about. Mommy reminded the nice nurse that they would like to know if it was a Boy Surprise or a Girl Surprise and the nurse exclaimed, “oh! It’s definitely a GIRL Surprise!” Sister cried happy, happy tears and Mommy did too. Daddy was happy that all the girls were happy.

Soon all the friends and all the family and all The Village knew of the new GIRL Surprise that was coming. There were fun parties and special parties called showers and great celebrations. Mommy and Daddy were getting excited too. Secretly, Mommy still worried a bit, and secretly Daddy did too. But everyone pitched in to help make things as easy for Mommy and Daddy as they could. Big Brother and Little Brother helped move their rooms together. Sister helped get GIRL Surprise’s baby room set up and decorated. People came with diapers and toys for the new GIRL Surprise. Grandparents and Aunts helped take care of Big Brother, Little Brother and Sister. And soon it was summer time again and the time came for the GIRL Surprise to come.

Mommy had done the very best job she could of being healthy and ready for the new GIRL Surprise. Daddy was calm and ready too. Early one morning they left for the hospital. When they got there, Mommy was so happy to see some of The Village friends and her Very Special Friend from Days Done By. Since Mommy was still a little scared, it was good for Mommy to have people there to help take her mind off that part. Daddy was always nervous at that part too! But soon it was time for Doctor to help Mommy get the GIRL Surprise. Daddy put his handsome gown, hat and slippers on and off they went. Mommy had asked for her favorite Special Nurse Friend to be in the room when the GIRL Surprise came. When Mommy was rolled in the room, there was Nurse Friend and that made Mommy very happy. Nurse Friend helped Daddy not be so nervous too!

Soon Doctor came in and asked if everyone was ready. Mommy sure hoped they all were! Mommy liked to try and be funny during these scary times. Daddy didn’t like being funny so much at scary times. But Doctor told Mommy and Daddy everything was going to be ok and Doctor began his work. It wasn’t very long before GIRL Surprise made her big beautiful entrance into the room! She was perfect in every way and Mommy, Daddy and Nurse Friend cried happy tears of joy! Mommy got to hold GIRL Surprise for just a bit but Doctor needed to finish his work. So Daddy was the lucky one who got to leave the room and carry the new baby GIRL Surprise down the hall to meet her family, friends, Big Brother, Little Brother and one very excited Sister.

When Mommy, Daddy and all three kids found out that they were going to welcome a new GIRL Surprise into their family, they all put their heads together and they had come up with a name for the new GIRL Surprise. Her name was Anne Marie.

Mommy stayed at the hospital with the Big Surprise, Anne Marie and just held her a whole lot. After several days Daddy came to take Anne Marie and Mommy home. Mommy was a little tired for a while when she got home, but she never got tired of waking up in the middle of the night to take care of Anne Marie. She would pick her up and hold her and rock her and Anne Marie loved falling asleep on top of Mommy. Mommy was not worried anymore. The wonderful family of five was now a wonderful family of six and they all loved Anne Marie more than they could have ever imagined. Everyone made sure that Anne Marie was always cared for.

Something extra special happened that summer that the Big Surprise, Anne Marie came--all the friends and all the family and all The Village and Mommy, Daddy, Big Brother, Sister and Little Brother all felt a little closer and a little more love and a little more joy because of The Big Surprise. They all wanted to take care of Anne Marie and she brought joy to everyone who was around her. She was happy and content and fearless. She spent her first few weeks being with her family and meeting The Village friends and learning to love water and sun and people. She went to parties. She slept in her swing. She was the best Big Surprise that anyone could have ever wished for.

But that’s not the end of the story…something very, very strange happened. One day Mommy woke up and found a 13 year old in Anne Marie’s bed. Mommy looked around and wondered, “what on earth happened to that wonderful Big Surprise Anne Marie?” And then Mommy heard someone who sounded a bit like the Big Surprise Anne Marie say, “Mom, I’m here…I’m just a little older now” And Mommy turned around to see a beautiful, strong, intelligent, loving, friendly, gentle young lady. At that moment, Mommy knew that young lady was the most magnificent and amazing Big Surprise that any wonderful family of six would ever be blessed with. So Mommy hugged the Young Lady Anne Marie and said “I Love You”. Mommy hoped the Young Lady Anne Marie would say I Love You back…

And she did.

The Beginning.

NERVES

Nerves: firmness or courage under trying circumstances: an assignment requiring nerve; strength, vigor, or energy: a test of nerve and stamina; nerves, nervousness: an attack of nerves.

Basically nerves can be tested when one is "brave" and again when one is "chicken". One would think a child would be the latter and an adult the former; not so much the case in my house today. Can I just say--I have the most ridiculously all-around great kids ever. Yes, they drive me in sane at times, try my patience, frustrate the heck out of me...but all in all they are really quite extraordinary. Today, one in particular showed remarkable composure and confidence. Who knew at 12 you could act like THAT?!

Today, Tuesday, January 4, 2011 my 12 year old daughter did one of the things that I have always felt was one of the single most difficult acts for a child to make--the act of trust. Not for all children mind you, and certainly not for younger children. They will trust you if you tell them the bug they just caught is very yummy. But for a 12 1/2 year old girl, who's had three older siblings, been immersed in adult conversation and lifestyle and has a pretty sharp brain, sometimes "trust" is a difficult thing.

A bit of history before I continue: My oldest child started formal public school in 1991. Kindergarten. We were in a terrible school district and decided it was imperative that we move before our children grew much older. Mid-school year in November of 1992 we did just that. We took our oldest son out of the environment he was familiar with and plopped him in a setting that we promised him would be far more advantageous for his life-long goals. He was 7 years old. A wise 7, but nonetheless still only 7. Christmas break came around in our new neighborhood. By then he had a 3-year old sister and a new baby brother, both whom he adored. We had a wonderful Christmas break in our new home and enjoyed each other's company to the fullest. Break was over, time for school to start up again.

The night before school was set to begin, while pressing that perfect crease in my 7-year old son's blue and white striped train engineer OshKosh overalls, he came into the room and announced that he didn't want to return to THAT school the next day. What? This was my child who LOVED school. This was the boy that LOVED learning. This could not be happening. There must be something else...

"What do you mean you don't want to go back to school?"

"I don't want to go to that school tomorrow"

"Why?"

"I don't like it at all. It's terrible"

"What makes it terrible?"

"Everything. The kids and the teacher and everything"

"Well, you are going to have to be a bit more specific for me to understand"

"The kids stand on the desks in the back and talk and are distracting. The teacher yells and gets upset. I can't concentrate to do my work and it's not fun and I don't like all the yelling"

(Thinking to myself that he had some very well-warranted points here, I was at a loss as to which "parent" card out of my hand should be played next...)

"Well, you know you can't just not go to school. They throw you in jail for that"

"They do?"

(Trust in my position on education was pivotal at this point as I could hear the teetering in his question--he could be tipped on either side of the proverbial "education is imperative" fence)

"Well, yeah. Or maybe they just throw me in jail for not sending you to school. But someone goes to jail"

At this point "nerve" came in to this picture. My 7 year old wanted to have nerve, he wanted to be brave. What he really wanted was to enjoy school again. He was (and continues to be!) a really bright kid. And, deep down he knew not to buy this "jail card" thing from mom...not one bit. I could see the doubt in his belief that there would soon be any of our grim faces printed on "WANTED" posters around town. But I could also see his defeat and his last bit of "please don't let me go down like this" braveness start to expel out of him as his eyes welled up with tears.

"Now wait a minute here"

"what?"

"I think we can work this out"

"how?"

"Well, it sounds like I need to go in and talk to the teacher or the principal if there is so much disruption in your classroom that you can't think in first grade"

"I don't want to get in trouble"

"You will not get in trouble"

"How do you know?"

"I know because if you get in trouble for doing what's right, someone else is going to get in trouble for doing what's wrong"

"by who?"

"By me"

"Really?"

"Really."

NOW we had re-established the Trust, some Nerve...some Real Nerve. Now even HE knew he could count on action. He hadn't lived with me for 7 long years for nothing.

So I did what I said I would do. And things worked out. And 12 years later he graduated from that same school system as an Honor Student with great promise ahead of him.

In the meantime, he'd acquired yet another baby sister. For some perspective: On the morning we left to take that then 19-yr old son to his first year of out-of-state college, we first made a quick stop to drop off his "new" baby sister for her first day of kindergarten. That sister grew up with three older siblings all with the same last name, all from the same house and neighborhood, and all with great diligence, attitude and pride that helped them make their way and forge a path through this particular public school system. So, like her siblings before her, in the Summer of 2004, she was set on a course to do the same...at the same place and with all the people she'd grown up knowing and who knew her and her family as well. She would become a Union Redskin.

Things change though. People change. Circumstances change. School systems change. Priorities change. My 12 year old daughter got caught in the middle of many of those changes.

Fortunately my 12 year old daughter is also the one child of our four who is most "flexible". She has always been on the flexi-plan at our house, being dragged from one event to another. Counting on one thing to happen and then changing courses for a new and different plan. She is hailed as the easy going child in the family. Nerves, braveness and trust being her unknowingly strong traits that keep her nature so easy...most of the time.

However, when a young girl is confident because she's been told over and over by all her family, all her friends, all the people who know her and her family (and even many who don't) how great and smart and wonderful she is, she never really gets to test that confidence. Today her confidence was tested and perhaps in a way that was quite startling not only to her, but to me as well.

Over the last couple years we'd decided that the school system all of our kids had attended all these years was no longer meeting our standards. Our 12 year old, being the bonus baby in the family, would soon be hitting some important educational years and this was not where she would benefit most. Slowly, plans were put into place to make a change. She was made aware of the long-term plan and was aware that, like always, even that could change. And it did--quite suddenly. In the middle of her 6th grade year, an opportunity was presented to us and a quick decision had to be made. We decided to move. Move to another neighborhood and move to another school. She would no longer be a Union Redskin.

I did my best to prepare her for the changes she would soon face. We went and visited the new school. We talked with people who went there. We drove around the neighborhood. We researched available opportunities the new school system provided. We purchased new Bixby Spartan wear. It all seemed exciting and she knew it would be difficult to leave her friends, but she seemed open to new experiences as well. She would be facing some of the same challenges her older brother had. She would have to adjust to new routines, new friends, new teachers and new ways of doing things. She would be fine.

Thinking about change, considering change, but then having it slap you right smack in the face in a matter of a few seconds are two different things.

Today was the first day for her to attend her new school. Clearly, I was the more nervous of the two of us. We had gone through all the paperwork hoops appropriately, we had purchased the necessary supplies, checked into lunch routines and knew about "going back" to a school that provided recess time again. What we hadn't done, is talk and think and imagine that one moment in time when a door would be opened for her, she would be nudged through that doorway, into a room of twenty-two 12 year old strangers with forty-four eyes looking right at you wondering who the heck the "new girl" was...while your mom stood in the hallway behind you with a sick little "mom smile" on her face. You know--the kind of smile that says, "oh my God, I can't believe I am standing here watching you go through this". The kind of smile that really means, "no, no come back here---we'll figure something else out". The kind of smile that says, "let me go in there and be stared at. You stay here." The kind of smile that says, "Dear God, please let them be kind to her, please let them love her like I do, please let them instantly know what a magnificent girl she is". That kind of smile.

She really was quite literally shoved into Mr. So and So's room in the middle of a sentence the counselor was speaking to us while we were touring what would soon be my 12 year old's new "hallway". The counselor quickly opened the door, introduced Mr. So and So to her and pushed her in. No "bye". No "see you after school". No "your day will be great". And as I stood there I saw what my 12 year old saw. I saw all those strange faces looking at her/me wondering... I saw her face go flush with redness. I sensed her hesitation. I saw her look to the new Mr. So and So teacher for seating direction. I saw her nerve wane. I saw her braveness be tested. I felt her trust teeter. And I turned and walked away unable to stop my tears while the counselor assured me she'd be alright, even though it's hard the first day or so.

All the way home I cried. I wanted to know if we'd done the right thing. I wanted to know if she would be ok. I wanted to know if she would hate the new school. I wanted to know if she would eventually declare her resistance like her older brother. What I really wanted was for her to still be little. What I really wanted was for her to be able to stay with me. What I really wanted was for her to not have to have nerves or be brave or trust. What I really wanted was for me to have nerve, and to be brave and to trust.

She did an incredible job today. I will never, ever forget that moment. I will never, ever forget that vision of exactly where she was standing and exactly what her face looked like and exactly how uncomfortable, and scared and helpless she felt. I will never forget feeling those same feelings right along with her ten times over that very moment.

I'm nineteen years older than I was when my 7 year old son learned he could count on the fact that I would always act on his behalf. I would always be there to encourage him to trust, to be brave and to have nerve. Nineteen years later, my 12-year old daughter somehow knew that she could count on the fact that I would always act on her behalf. She knew I would encourage her to trust, to be brave and to have nerve.

But I am so thankful she didn't turn around and see me or tell me bye before entering that classroom today.

Because she would have seen a mom who had doubt and fear and was a big "chicken". She would have seen me scurry down the hallway into the stairwell in tears. And she would have seen and likely not understood that I was counting on her action this time.

Today, at that moment that daughter became my encouragement and my most shining example for how I should trust, and be brave and and have nerve...like my most amazing 12-year old.

39 Hours and counting

How can the last 21--no TWENTY TWO years have gone by so fast? Honestly. It has just hit me while sitting here at 3:30 in the morning as thoughts of my daughters wedding in 39 hours awaken me. I have had little bouts of tears, thinking about her "leaving" us. I have had solemn moments of wondering if she'll be okay. I've thought about seeing her walk down that aisle with her dad. I've thought about seeing all our family and friends who we love so dearly when I enter the church. I've thought about parties, and invitations, and flowers, and clothing and food and decorations. Extra socks, programs, guestbooks, transportation, makeup, hair, appointments, schedules and photographers...but the thing I can't quite quit thinking about is something I saw a couple nights ago.

We were watching home movies from about fifteen years ago. My daughter was turning seven I think. I sat still that night and watched that video--I watched her open her birthday gifts, I watched her take care of her little brother, I watched her admire her older brother, I watched her excitement opening her gifts, I watched her hug me while I was filming all this and then I watched her open a card from her grandparents...

One of her granddads loved teasing her when she was little about "Dancing Goat". I'm not quite sure how all that started but, nonetheless she wasn't extremely fond of it. On this particular birthday she opened a "special" certificate from him that referenced the Dancing Goat. She looked at it with exasperation and promptly went over and gave that particular grandfather the "what for". We played it back three times to try and figure out exactly what she was saying and still couldn't get it! But by the end of her tongue-lashing (she was smiling the whole time) everyone was laughing, including Big Pa. She was praised for being such a good sport and she accepted that praise with the graciousness of a person far older than her seven years.

This same girl will be getting married in about 39 hours. She has been a true source of pride and joy for the last 22 years. She has been loving, kind and thoughtful the last 22 years. She has worked hard at every single thing she decided to do for the last 22 years. She has earned respect, admiration, friendship and true love over the last 22 years. She has been beautiful inside and out for the last 22 years. She has read, created, learned, experienced and soaked in as much life as possible for the last 22 years. She has done that with dignity, pride, respect and endless grace for the last 22 years. For the last 22 years, she has added countless treasured moments, years of fun, and unending love to the lives of her siblings and her father and me.

I watched that video and could have sworn that it had just happened. I had a true "rush" of memories flood my thoughts. It has made me feel somewhat helpless, as if her life is happening too fast. Just like mine, it is. So for the next 39 hours or so, I'm going to devote every minute I can in enjoying one of the most extraordinary blessings God has bestowed upon me for the last 22 years-my child.

Maybe He'll be kind enough to slow those 39 hours down a bit...or maybe He's already taught me the value of that time and now it's up to me to do my best to live these next 39 hours to the fullest. I will.

Out of the mouths of Babes...and wonderful Daughters

I went to my daughters wedding website just now. Just as a matter of curiousity I clicked on the Guest Book page. This is exactly what I read:

"OMfreakinG! I am so excited and I have a great summer ahead of me! Like my sisters wedding, ( and I can't wait to see everybody who is coming for that matter! We are going to party hardy all ight long!!) the pool, the lake, my birthday, and my trip to Dallas to see Aunt Tess and Uncle Fred! Now I officially get to say Hip Hip freakin hurray! My bridesmaid dress finally fit today and that was the fifth time I went to try it on! By the way for those of you who know my dads dad keep him in your prayers because he had s pacemaker put in yesterday. Thanks to those who are praying for him. And, yes I know this is gonna sound super dramatic and cheesy but thanks to those who are (well iI don't wanna say supporting but I'm gonna say it anyway!) Thanks to those who have supported our family and have kept us in your prayers. One last thing before I go. Sam you are a beautiful, wonderful, amazingly talented, funny,(sometimes!) smart, and most time the most happiest big sister on this planet and you are like more then a sister your my BFF. Yes, I know I can be annoying around you and Mike but it's because I don't want you to leave me but I guess I will have to let you go. You picked a great guy and a great family and I am Grateful to have Mike as a brother! I love you with all my heart! Best wishes!"

I am blessed.

There's this Woman I Know

There's this woman I know who is ....


Amazing, wonderful, awesome, fantastic, outstanding, super...??? No, not really. We hear those words all the time. Honestly...do we really pay attention to those superlatives? I think not.

This woman is interesting. She is smart. She is kind. She is hysterical. She has thousands of children. She has no children. She is respected. She is tough. She is tender. She is unique. She is clever. She is sneaky. She is good-hearted. She is wise. She is active. She is tired. She is tenacious. She is unwavering. She is fair. She is a wife. She is a daughter. She is an aunt. She is a boss. She is an employee. She is a leader. She is memorable. This woman is a principal.

Being an elementary school principal is a special job in it's own right. But take an extraordinary person and put them in that job and you have something beyond simply "special". You have kids and parents who feel secure. You have kids and parents who learn. You have ingenious solutions to seemingly unsolvable problems. You have kids who learn to lead by example. You have an advocate insistent on the very best for ALL "her kids". You have kids learning to be ambassadors of good stewardship, honesty, integrity, intellect, kindness. You have parents and kids learning to cooperate in order to achieve goals. You have fun times and fond memories. You have nothing short of a host of angels helping to lift you and your child up to the highest levels of success. And when there are failures, disappointments or struggles, you have a shoulder upon which you and your child may cry. You have an advisor, a coach, a counselor and sometimes a referee.

This woman is the only elementary principal my children have ever known. For some kids she is their principal for all years, for others only part of a single year. But every year, this woman knows every childs name...not by the end of the year...by the beginning of the year. She knows their strengths, she knows their weaknesses. She knows their parents. She knows where they are from. She knows each and every child's "story". She knows your child and she knows mine.

And throughout the last nineteen years, this woman I know has become an integral, important, meaningful part of our family's story...more importantly, this woman, she is our friend.
Thank you Patti.