Thirty years ago I had just turned 25. Thirty years ago today I was pretty sure I knew a lot of "stuff" about the world and people. Thirty years ago today I felt ready to take on about anything. Thirty years ago today I would begin a journey that would teach me more about love and heartache, life and people and God than I could ever imagine.
Thirty years ago today I gave birth to my first child.
The nine months leading up to this birth were easy, peasy. I read a basic "how-to" book or two. Felt pretty confident. Was a little tired, never nauseous, gained a bunch of weight. We went to our Lamaze classes. We learned how to breath and relax and "focus". I was active. I was prepared. No big issues. No problems. As our due date came and went, a date to be induced was scheduled, nearly three weeks beyond my due date. And we waited again. And waited some more. But the baby never came. Never. Came. --God, you've got this, ok?
That hospital date came. So, again, I was prepared. Ready for that early morning check-in. Ready for the medicine that would help my body help coax this baby out into the world. The medicine came. The contractions came. The pain came. The pushing came. But...no baby...no baby came. "They" could see it--there was it's head! And there it went. No baby. Needless to say, anxiety and frustration set in as "we" tried for another hour to push this baby into the world. Nothing. Except ... some signals of distress on the monitors. 18 hours into this birthing process, it was time to switch the game plan. C-section. Fine. Whatever it takes. Let's do it! It's about 1:00 AM and I'd been rolled out into a hallway headed to be prepped for surgery that I realized, "oh my gosh--I'm going to be cut open" and I was afraid. I was afraid for me and I was afraid for my baby. And a million questions and scenarios and thoughts went through my head when I thought--God, you've got this, right?
I remember being rolled into a surgery room where lots of people were doing lots of things...quickly. My wonderful doctor came in and visited with me, assured me everything would be ok and began preparing for his important job. An anesthesiologist spoke to me about how this c-section would proceed. Nurses strapped my arms down. My masked and robed husband was escorted in. I remember getting very quiet (very unlike me) and my husband getting very chatty (very unlike him). People were moving fast and there seemed to be a lot of people in attendance "just in case"--God, you've got this ok?
An hour later at 2:00 AM sharp our baby was delivered. There was commotion and the baby was whisked into a nearby room. There were no cries, there was no "it's a boy! it's a girl!", there was no "he/she is ok"...there was just commotion. I'm not exactly sure what my husband was thinking right then, but he was praying out loud...really loud. Clearly I was not understanding what was going on. The first time I asked "boy or girl?" there was no response, just commotion. The second time I asked "boy or girl?" a bit more firmly and my doctors reply was simply, "Stephanie, I don't know. The neonatal staff had to take the baby quickly." Through the commotion, I could have heard a pin drop. "Is our baby ok?" While my doctor was working on me he calmly said, "They are doing everything they can. Susan, go check for them" Silence--Dear God, you do have this one...right?
"Mrs. Biddick, it's a boy...and he's going to be fine. He just needs a little help right now"
Twelve hours later I had a room full of people passing around our 7 lb., 14 oz. new bundle of sweetness. My sister, my parents, my mother-in-law was there, a couple of my sister-in-laws, stepparents, friends and even a few co-workers were there. I was pretty tired and groggy so it was good that there were lots of people to welcome this sweet little boy into our world. I remember worrying that I couldn't stay awake real well and yet I realized--no one really cares...it's all about him now--God, you got this one, right?
After nearly a week we took this baby boy home and introduced him to our little world. I felt pretty comfortable taking care of him, my husband was so proud and helpful and kind, my parents pitched in to make things easy and we were off to a good start. He was healthy and pretty much perfect in every way. As he grew a little older he slept well, was very well-mannered, hit the appropriate milestones for us to show off, knew many words, understood nearly everything, and, of course, was brilliant. We had been right all along...if you just did things a certain way, then your children would respond appropriately--God, we've got this right?
While we were visiting my in-laws one weekend, we were marveling at one of his more brilliant moments or the fact that he would sit quietly and entertain himself while we adults did whatever we were doing, when my sweet mother-in-law turned to me and said, "you don't really know what it is like to have a baby or kid yet". I was a little taken aback as I had assumed she too would be proud of her son and I for the fine work we'd done so far. But, knowing that this was a woman who had nine children of her own, I also valued her opinion and thoughts tremendously. What in the world did she mean and why was she saying that? I asked her and I distinctly remember her patient loving smile as she replied, "you'll see soon enough". Of course, unbeknownst to me, she had made an accurate prediction--God, we do have this, right?
This young little boy grew up enjoying learning, playing, having friends, being a loving caring big brother, attending mass, going to school, participating in activities, loving music (Mom, Dad...have you ever heard of this group called The Beatles?? They are fantastic!!), caring for our pets, becoming a big brother again and in general, never giving us a moment's worry. He went to an excellent elementary school, middle school and high school and he excelled at all of them. We were proud of his every step. And, I continued on my course of feeling as if I was doing what God wanted me too--God, I've got this, right?
A lot of things happened with this young boy as he turned into the man he is today. He graduated high school with a full scholarship to a university. He graduated college and went over seas to teach. He returned and went back to school where he met and eventually married his beautiful wife and became a part of another wonderful family. He found a job at a college and continued with his education. He and his wife had an equally amazing daughter and are now expecting their second--God, he's got this now, right?
But one of the things that I am most proud of on this, the 30th birthday of this incredibly special young man, is his godliness. That sounds a little arrogant, and I am the last one on earth to speak to godliness: conforming to the laws and wishes of God. But I can tell you that this young boy has grown into a truly good, devout man of God. He is kind hearted. He is caring, devoted and loyal. And, he believes in the truest sense that God, really does "have this". He has recognized God's hand in his own life and in those lives around him.
Over the last 30+ years I've prayed "God, you've got this" in faith, I've prayed "God, I've got this" in thanks and "God, he/she/they've got this" in request, but the prayers have always had a question mark at the end, a moment of doubt, some insecurity. What I've been slow to realize is that I have had far less influence and "control" in raising this great guy (or any of my other great kiddos) than I would have liked to think. Only out of God's love for me has it been possible for me to help bring this little boy into the world and only out of God's love for him has he become the man he is today. God always had unwavering and resolute control each and every moment of each and every day of every year...thirty years ago and for endless years to come. Beginning with my first child and with each blessing of life since then I have seen that while I can ask, thank or beg Him, God is always a step ahead of me. I am blessed beyond what I deserve and I am proud that my son is years ahead of me in knowing God's grace.
Happiest of birthdays to you Travis!
Love,
mom
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