What You Really Taught Me Mom

So, my eldest daughter posted this really cool blog about me for Mother's Day.  She mentioned "influences" I've had on her.  I'm glad she didn't mention any of the really crummy influences she now knows to steer clear of.  But it got me to thinking…

How did my mom influence me?  What did my mom teach me?

So here it is mom--here are the things you taught me…

1.  You taught me that soap opera time was not "kid time".  I never quite understood why soap opera and ironing time were basically "off limits" for me because I remember you spending inordinate amounts of time with me as a kid.  Little did I know, how important it was for you to have your time free and clear (except for the whole ironing chore thing) to rejuvenate yourself for all the hours in a day you spent with us---really with us, doing things, teaching us stuff and letting us be with you.   I've not always been real good at this one with my own kiddos--I hated playing "dolls" and "pretend"…but give me a coloring book, a Lite Brite or some puzzles and I could outlast any 4-year old!  I found out years later that you really weren't so keen on the whole Girl Scout Leader gig that you volunteered to do for a few years, but you stepped up to do it.  I was a horrible baton twirler, and I'm sure you knew I was, but I remember loving it and you encouraged me to continue (or at least finish out the lessons).  What you really taught me was that time spent with your children is the most valuable commodity a parent can give their child and how important it is to give your time and be present for your children unconditionally--this is what you did for me.

2.  You taught me that you could sustain a family of four on a loaf of bread, some flour, milk, salt and pepper, a jar of "corned beef" and a toaster for about a week…and most of the time they would be happy.  You cooked for us every night.  Every.  Single.  Night. You made great meals.  You could stretch that grocery money and get a meal for four on the table for less than $3.00!  And you never complained.  At least not that I know of.  You always acted as if you had just created another edible Rembrandt and I remember thinking dinner time was really pretty fun most of the time…yes, except for Wednesday nights--but we've covered that one.  What you really taught me was the lifelong value of a family having dinner around the table at night…every night--this is what you did for us.

3.  You taught me how to be clean and neat.  Our house was clean.  Our clothes were clean.  We were clean.  Our teeth were clean and our hair was clean.  Our nails were clean, especially on Saturday when we had them "trimmed".  I remember hearing "cleanliness is next to Godliness".  While I am certain you may not have believed that literally, I do know it was important.  It was important to be clean and it was important that things were neat.  We knew where to find stuff.  Yeah, I know, we didn't have that much stuff to find, but when we did…we knew where it was.  It wasn't about the act of "being" clean or neat, it was about placing value on our bodies, our possessions and the things we worked for.  I don't know if we had "a lot" or not--I doubt we did.  But I never knew any differently because what we did have was treated just as respectfully and with just as much care as valuable possessions owned by the wealthy.  What you really taught me is not that "things" were important, but that being respectful of the things you work for and have is a duty and an honor that shows thankfulness for those blessings-- that is how you approached our "things".

4.  You taught me the Envelope System wayyyy before Dave Ramsey did.  You were doing the envelope system before time.  I remember a sense of frustration when those envelopes would come out, but I knew they were important and I knew you had a good handle on what was written on those envelopes.  Those envelopes had something to do with our family's budget and your job was to make sure those envelopes didn't self destruct.  And you did it.  You never seemed too upset about it, but now that I know about those envelopes, I am sure it caused great stress at times.  All I remember really thinking was that come August we would be making a trip to Penneys and Trippets and I'd better "choose" wisely.  I don't think I was the one who really got to do much choosing, but you made me think I was!  I know now that being frugal was how you were wired and, while you fretted about us not having certain things, I never once heard you whine or complain about any of that.  I remained clueless for wayyy too many years until I really did have to have one of those new-fangled Envelope System classes, where I thought "My mom has been doing THAT for YEARS"!  What you really taught me was that living within a budget, being thrifty and making a dollar stretch was what responsible people did and doing so with grace and humility and class was what honorable people did--that is what you do.

5.  You taught me that change is good and positive attitudes are even better.  I remember quite a few houses and towns.  I remember you always smiling and looking for the next opportunity…the next church to join, the next bridge group, the next neighborhood to enjoy, the next set of volunteer opportunities, the next friendships to make.  I don't know what I was like outwardly way back then, but inwardly I was shy and I was afraid.  And I watched you go into new and different situations over and over with determination, a smile and a great attitude…whether you had one or not.  I remember a few glitches…a bad school, a rat in the basement, a tornado, but you just moved forward.  You were not going to be distracted from the mission you had and in the end all would be good.  And it was.  What you really taught me that change is inevitable and even if we're shy or scared or mad, it's still up to us how we deal with things--the better we deal with them, the better they end up--that attitude is still your guiding force today.

6.  You taught me that pulling your hair through a cap is a necessary beauty treatment.  I remember you sitting in grandma's living room having your hair pulled through a cap to be "frosted".  I remember watching you put your makeup on and thinking how cool it was.  I remember you laying down on the floor with some pulley contraption hooked on to the door knob that when you pulled with your arms, your legs would move up and down. I remember you doing your nails every single week.  I remember curlers and bobby pins and pig tails. I remember you playing tennis.  I remember you swimming and teaching us how to swim.  (I hated that zinc oxide though)  I remember bike rides and walks and your first aerobics class, power walking at the park and now yoga.  I remember shopping for the "perfect" prom dress, wedding dress and vacation attire.  You have always had such great health and style and beauty.  What you really taught me was how important it is to present yourself in the best manner possible, deal with a few gray hairs with grace and take the very best care of your body and mind that you possibly can--and you continue to do this daily.

7.  You taught me that laughter heals almost everything besides broken hearts.  There were so many times I screwed up growing up---some big screw ups and thousands of not so big ones.  Later in life I could think back and gauge my screw ups by laughter…your laughter.  If it was a screw up I remember you eventually laughing about, I knew it was "normal".  But if it was a screw up that even later never elicited a laugh, I knew I'd pushed the limit.  Fortunately for me, you laughed a lot.  I remember you laughing so much at times with friends and family that I'd start laughing too not having a clue as to what was so funny other than the sheer amount of laughter going on.  I remember you laughing with friends, with family and with us.  You were willing to laugh at yourself and never laughed at others.  You probably laughed a little at times to hide some tears, but I remember feeling like most of your laughter was joy-filled good times.  What you really taught me was that laughter is truly the universal language--a way to get along with people and a way to stay positive; and that a smile can be some of the best medicine a person can offer someone who's unhappy--and you still offer up that laugh and smile all the time.

8.  You taught me that church is where the action is!  I think I remember nearly every church we were members of.  You made sure I was dressed in Sunday clothes---dress, black patent shoes, hat and gloves required on certain Sundays. When I was very small, you would lean over and tell me (ever so nicely) to hold still and "shhhh" during services…I was usually given a finger with a ring on it to mess with or sometimes a piece of paper and a pencil.  You assured me that people would not see or care about the swimsuit I had on under the white robe I was fully immersed in for my baptism.  You smiled at me after my first Communion and I remember it.  I remember feeling so important handing out cotton balls before giving my youth sermon on "Warm Fuzzies" on Sunday.  You made sure to come in my room a few Sunday mornings and tell me that even though I'd been out super late the night before with friends, I needed to get up because I "was going to church"  You encouraged and I enjoyed youth groups and bible studies and choir.  I remember feeling like there were other adults watching me…watching over me.  I remember feeling loved and cherished by a faith-filled community.  What you really taught me was the blessing of God's love and how, more than anything else, that is the ultimate joy and grace we have in our lives and that we should, as adults, always be willing to worship and give thanks for that gift--as you grow in your love of God still today.

9.  You taught me that granddads hide money in their pockets and grandma's sneak candy.  I loved knowing my grandparents and my great grandmother.  I can tell a thousand stories about Grandma Ollie taking me to that candy drawer, about Grandma Helen teaching me how to make jewelry, about Pap-pap sitting me on his lap and having me peek in his coverall chest pocket for "dodders".  You made me ride those llamas for a year or two too long, but you made the BEST fried chicken, for our long trips to New Mexico for vacation.  The bottle rockets on the 4th of July were kinda scary, but you'd let me hang out with Grandma Ollie and watch her iron.  We got with Aunt Sharon's family when we lived in Kentucky and we went to Aunt Shirley's for Thanksgiving one year.  Uncle Jack teased me a lot, and I hated that I didn't get to throw rice at their wedding, but Aunt Kay helped me be BEE-UTIFUL for one of my dance performances.  You took me to Aunt Fi-Fis and Uncle Bobs to go water skiing.  And I got to take Anne with Grandma Helen every Wednesday for a Super Walmart run.  You took us to visit as much as possible and then took such great care of Grandma Helen when she moved here.  What you really taught me was that there is no value you can place on family.  It is the single most important thing in our human lives and that we should cherish and honor and enjoy every moment we have with our family…always--while you delight and take interest in your growing family year after year.

10.  You taught me that Life is Good.  Do you have any idea how many times I've heard that from you or read that in something you've written in the last 50 years?  I don't even know if you know there is a company called Life is Good (check it out--http://www.lifeisgood.com).  I think they probably stole this  little slogan from you and are making millions of dollars off of it all the time I believe YOU originated it!  You have car problems, they get fixed and you say "Life is Good".  You are faced with 40 things to do in a week when you may be a little tired, you comment that you are just glad to be waking up in the morning and "Life is Good".  You bust a knee up, have a health scare, need some medical procedure and you go willingly, be the best patient you can, get better and say how "Life is Good".  You give and do and think about everyone else constantly, never asking for a thing for yourself and in your mind "Life is Good".  What you've really taught me is simply….that Life Really is Good and that we only get one and that is goes by fast and that we better make the best of it and love all the people we can--just like you do.

And that is what you have taught me….at least for now.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

I love you,

Stephanie