As a parent sending your child off to another town, to college or anywhere outside the safe confines of their home, you tend to spend that last few weeks, days, (maybe even months?!) enjoying time with them and trying to impart those last few nuggets of wisdom you have to offer. "Safety" was my main concern, so we talked about that a lot. We talked about the college experience in general and her older siblings had a lot of sage advice. But, I found myself talking around things instead of being blunt.
Today I received the receipt for her first semester's tuition. I forwarded that receipt to her in an email containing the best college wisdom I could muster up. It may not be the best college wisdom for your child, but it is a few of the things we have found to be successful in our lives.
"Hi there!
So, here it is…final payment for your first
college semester! This is not a “gift” or a “right”,
this is an opportunity that will help you move forward in attaining a good
job which allows you to lead a life you will enjoy and
benefit from. Hopefully one in which you too can give to your own family and community one
day. Even with college educations, there are a lot of bad jobs that are
expensive choices and make your future a lot harder, so be wise.
This opportunity you are being given
is not without “strings attached”. While we know “you’ve got it”, please
take a minute to read these. These things are PROVEN to work 100% of the
time. This is a time for you to think about YOU and take advantage of
this blessing and opportunity!!
Here are THE STRINGS that we've attached in no particular order:
—Work
hard. College is not easy. The next five years will be
the hardest you have ever worked. But it will be one of the biggest rewards for
you as well!
—Study
a LOT, daily, whether you have homework or nothing at all..study the
material being taught in your classes every single day (refer to the hours they
suggested as a minimum at orientation). You really can’t study too much. Make
sure you are studying the right things too.
—Get
help. This is the one thing that for some reason all college students
have the hardest time doing. Please get help sooner rather than later. Your university offers a ton of free tools that are available to help you succeed. If one
doesn’t work, try another! If you are studying a ton and still struggling on
tests, then you are not studying the right things or you are not studying the right way—get
help. Remember—we pay the university to TEACH you and if you are
truly doing your part and still not succeeding, then go seek out help. It’s not
because you aren’t smart or can’t do it and sometimes not even because you’re
not working hard enough…it may just be you need to find the right help. Don’t
get discouraged.
—Stay
focused and don’t let any one or any thing get you off course. It is
ultimately your decision to focus on what you should and need to be
doing, not someone else’s. It’s your decision/choice to set and keep your
priorities straight.
—Be
serious. Everyone says “have fun in college”! Well of course you
are going to have fun! That is the nature of college. That’s
why SO many kids drop out or end up with sucky majors…cause they “had fun”
(well, too much fun). The ones who succeed are serious about what they are
doing. This is a responsibility that you have…a job.
It really is. It is your job to be serious about this. We really do know how
hard it is and what it takes to be successful. So it is a big responsibility
that you will have to approach with serious determination.
—Don’t
procrastinate it will bite you in the butt if not every time,
eventually when it’s really, really important. There are no excuses if you have
procrastinated and find yourself in a jam and that is a sickening feeling. If you put things off, that dreaded butt bite will DEFINITELY happen.
—Learn,
Learn, Learn…everything. Learn about how to use your computer properly.
Learn what methods of study really work best for you. Learn
about all the things the university offers. Learn about your coursework even
if it’s boring. Learn about other people. Learn about your major and
what it is really about. Learn to speak intelligently. Be curious about topics,
subjects unfamiliar to you. Learn about them. You’re there to learn. Do it.
—Don’t
take things (anything) for granted. Never forget this is an opportunity for
you that is short-lived and very dependent upon your participation. Be thankful
and appreciative that you, your parents and your family have (and are) all
working hard to help support each other. It’s not just about the “money”, or
the financial, it’s about the privilege and blessing of all things, both
material (school, home/neighborhood, clothing, car, etc.) and non-material
(faith, family, friends, support from others, intelligence, health, God’s
graces, etc.). Take time to give thanks…a lot.
—Be
genuine and sincere. Don’t be fake-y or someone/something you are not. That
only serves to attract disingenuous, insincere people around you. You are a
smart girl and you should act like one. You don’t have to
act airhead-y or shy or funny if you don’t understand something. Just ask, or
learn about it then add it to all the other smart things you know. College is
for learning (see above!). Being genuine and sincere is the best way to
surround yourself with very good, genuine, sincere people and that is
important.
—Put
some thought into your decisions first. This seems obvious but so
many times you will be rushed and in a hurry or tired or feel torn by another
persons desires or other situations. Just take a minute to decide what really is the best decision for you in the big picture…not
just at that single moment. This is different from “Make Good Choices”! We know
you will do that. This is more about taking time to think about how
your choice is effecting the big picture of your college education. You may
need to rest, you may need a break, you may need to pass on something really
fun because you are behind on classwork or have a particularly hard test or
paper coming, you may need to get some help with something when you really
don’t want to make that effort, you may need to spend some time taking care of
yourself, your body. Take some time to think about your “good choices” before
actually making them.
—Do
your best work. College is competitive and you will
have to determine your goals early on and do your best to hit those marks. You
have to remember that there are a lot of other people wanting the same things
you do. Those who do the best work and work the hardest are usually the ones
who make it through to the next level. That’s how nearly everything in life is anyhow, so may as well get into practice of doing your best now!
—Go
to church and go to some of the student activities there. Yeah, yeah.
BUT…find me the person who says, “you know I did go to church and some student
activities and it was a real waste of my time…I had tests, homework, I really
wish I hadn’t made time to go to church or the student stuff at the church
while I was in college” Find me that person. You won’t. But you will find
people who say, “I wish I had done that (or done more of it). It helped ground
me. It helped me remember my perspective and get my priorities straight. It
helped me think about others during a time when we naturally think only about
ourselves. It reminded me where I’m from, that I’m loved, that I have
responsibilities and obligations to do and be good”. Those are the things you WILL hear. Just do it. Get
involved some at church. It will make a difference and it could make a HUGE
difference. Don’t wait until you need a difference to be made.
Go every week.
—Don’t
ever forget that you are loved. Tired of hearing this one yet? Well,
there will be some times when it is tough and when you mess up or get in a jam.
We will not always be able to help you or it may be best for you to figure
things out. But regardless, we always, always, ALWAYS love
you and, even greater than that, God always loves you and He
is always there, in that dorm, in that classroom, at that party or movie or in that study hall or library. He
is there loving on you every moment. That is a big deal. That is the
best. Pray, ask Him for help and guidance, thank Him for everything, let Him
know you are happy or scared. Just remember He, and your parents love you
always.
—Call,
write, text, email your parents and Pray, ask, thank and talk to God.—Please
make sure and touch base with BOTH of us! God, like us, misses you when
you are away. Find moments to connect with Him and with your parents and the people who love you.
This may seem like the Charlie Brown
teacher “wahwahwahwahwahwahwah”, but I promise it is not. Try and remember
these things, or go back now and then and re-read them. Coming from a college drop-out who
knows from first-hand experience what she WISHED she had done right in college, I can tell
you these things work. They are the “strings” we’ve attached to providing for
you the next several years. They are good things and you will SOAR if you take them to heart!
love,
mom"
So there it is--all the sage advice and motherly wisdom I could impart to my daughter who had a wonderful "First Day" and an equally great "Second Day" in her new life! I've sworn not to call her every day, but she'd better pay attention to that last string attached I mentioned or I may have to break a promise!