YES, STRINGS ARE ATTACHED

We did it! We got the girl there. It was a great experience. I'll write more about that part of it later. Yes, I had to pull over for a lengthy hyperventilating, full-on guttural sob that commenced before I had even made it out of the parking lot. Scared the heck out of my husband, especially since I was driving. God, I will miss her so. She has been such a delight and integral part of the genuine happiness in our family home. But, on to bigger and better adventures for us now!

As a parent sending your child off to another town, to college or anywhere outside the safe confines of their home, you tend to spend that last few weeks, days, (maybe even months?!) enjoying time with them and trying to impart those last few nuggets of wisdom you have to offer. "Safety" was my main concern, so we talked about that a lot. We talked about the college experience in general and her older siblings had a lot of sage advice. But, I found myself talking around things instead of being blunt.

Today I received the receipt for her first semester's tuition. I forwarded that receipt to her in an email containing the best college wisdom I could muster up. It may not be the best college wisdom for your child, but it is a few of the things we have found to be successful in our lives.

"Hi there!

So, here it is…final payment for your first college semester! This is not a “gift” or a “right”, this is an opportunity that will help you move forward in attaining a good job which allows you to lead a life you will enjoy and benefit from. Hopefully one in which you too can give to your own family and community one day. Even with college educations, there are a lot of bad jobs that are expensive choices and make your future a lot harder, so be wise.

This opportunity you are being given is not without “strings attached”. While we know “you’ve got it”, please take a minute to read these. These things are PROVEN to work 100% of the time. This is a time for you to think about YOU and take advantage of this blessing and opportunity!! 

Here are THE STRINGS that we've attached in no particular order:

         —Work hard.  College is not easy. The next five years will be the hardest you have ever worked. But it will be one of the biggest rewards for you as well!

         —Study a LOT, daily, whether you have homework or nothing at all..study the material being taught in your classes every single day (refer to the hours they suggested as a minimum at orientation). You really can’t study too much. Make sure you are studying the right things too.

         —Get help.  This is the one thing that for some reason all college students have the hardest time doing. Please get help sooner rather than later. Your university offers a ton of free tools that are available to help you succeed. If one doesn’t work, try another! If you are studying a ton and still struggling on tests, then you are not studying the right things or you are not studying the right way—get help. Remember—we pay the university to TEACH you and if you are truly doing your part and still not succeeding, then go seek out help. It’s not because you aren’t smart or can’t do it and sometimes not even because you’re not working hard enough…it may just be you need to find the right help. Don’t get discouraged.

         —Stay focused and don’t let any one or any thing get you off course. It is ultimately your decision to focus on what you should and need to be doing, not someone else’s. It’s your decision/choice to set and keep your priorities straight.

         —Be serious. Everyone says “have fun in college”!  Well of course you are going to have fun! That is the nature of college. That’s why SO many kids drop out or end up with sucky majors…cause they “had fun” (well, too much fun). The ones who succeed are serious about what they are doing. This is a responsibility that you have…a job. It really is. It is your job to be serious about this. We really do know how hard it is and what it takes to be successful.  So it is a big responsibility that you will have to approach with serious determination.

         —Don’t procrastinate it will bite you in the butt if not every time, eventually when it’s really, really important. There are no excuses if you have procrastinated and find yourself in a jam and that is a sickening feeling. If you put things off, that dreaded butt bite will DEFINITELY happen.

         —Learn, Learn, Learn…everything. Learn about how to use your computer properly. Learn what methods of study really work best for you. Learn about all the things the university offers. Learn about your coursework even if it’s boring. Learn about other people. Learn about your major and what it is really about. Learn to speak intelligently. Be curious about topics, subjects unfamiliar to you. Learn about them. You’re there to learn. Do it.

         —Don’t take things (anything) for granted. Never forget this is an opportunity for you that is short-lived and very dependent upon your participation. Be thankful and appreciative that you, your parents and your family have (and are) all working hard to help support each other. It’s not just about the “money”, or the financial, it’s about the privilege and blessing of all things, both material (school, home/neighborhood, clothing, car, etc.) and non-material (faith, family, friends, support from others, intelligence, health, God’s graces, etc.). Take time to give thanks…a lot.

         —Be genuine and sincere. Don’t be fake-y or someone/something you are not. That only serves to attract disingenuous, insincere people around you. You are a smart girl and you should act like one. You don’t have to act airhead-y or shy or funny if you don’t understand something. Just ask, or learn about it then add it to all the other smart things you know. College is for learning (see above!). Being genuine and sincere is the best way to surround yourself with very good, genuine, sincere people and that is important.

         —Put some thought into your decisions first. This seems obvious but so many times you will be rushed and in a hurry or tired or feel torn by another persons desires or other situations. Just take a minute to decide what really is the best decision for you in the big picture…not just at that single moment. This is different from “Make Good Choices”! We know you will do that. This is more about taking time to think about how your choice is effecting the big picture of your college education. You may need to rest, you may need a break, you may need to pass on something really fun because you are behind on classwork or have a particularly hard test or paper coming, you may need to get some help with something when you really don’t want to make that effort, you may need to spend some time taking care of yourself, your body. Take some time to think about your “good choices” before actually making them.

         —Do your best work.  College is competitive and you will have to determine your goals early on and do your best to hit those marks. You have to remember that there are a lot of other people wanting the same things you do. Those who do the best work and work the hardest are usually the ones who make it through to the next level. That’s how nearly everything in life is anyhow, so may as well get into practice of doing your best now!

         —Go to church and go to some of the student activities there. Yeah, yeah. BUT…find me the person who says, “you know I did go to church and some student activities and it was a real waste of my time…I had tests, homework, I really wish I hadn’t made time to go to church or the student stuff at the church while I was in college”  Find me that person. You won’t. But you will find people who say, “I wish I had done that (or done more of it). It helped ground me. It helped me remember my perspective and get my priorities straight. It helped me think about others during a time when we naturally think only about ourselves. It reminded me where I’m from, that I’m loved, that I have responsibilities and obligations to do and be good”. Those are the things you WILL hear.  Just do it. Get involved some at church. It will make a difference and it could make a HUGE difference. Don’t wait until you need a difference to be made. Go every week. 

         —Don’t ever forget that you are loved. Tired of hearing this one yet? Well, there will be some times when it is tough and when you mess up or get in a jam. We will not always be able to help you or it may be best for you to figure things out. But regardless, we always, always, ALWAYS love you and, even greater than that, God always loves you and He is always there, in that dorm, in that classroom, at that party or movie or in that study hall or library. He is there loving on you every moment. That is a big deal. That is the best. Pray, ask Him for help and guidance, thank Him for everything, let Him know you are happy or scared. Just remember He, and your parents love you always.

         —Call, write, text, email your parents and Pray, ask, thank and talk to God.—Please make sure and touch base with BOTH of us! God, like us, misses you when you are away. Find moments to connect with Him and with your parents and the people who love you.

This may seem like the Charlie Brown teacher “wahwahwahwahwahwahwah”, but I promise it is not. Try and remember these things, or go back now and then and re-read them. Coming from a college drop-out who knows from first-hand experience what she WISHED she had done right in college, I can tell you these things work. They are the “strings” we’ve attached to providing for you the next several years. They are good things and you will SOAR if you take them to heart!

love,

mom"

So there it is--all the sage advice and motherly wisdom I could impart to my daughter who had a wonderful "First Day" and an equally great "Second Day" in her new life!  I've sworn not to call her every day, but she'd better pay attention to that last string attached I mentioned or I may have to break a promise!