It's Still Here-Part 2; #20 THE LIGHT

OK--I really wanted to start with #7-Modern Medicine, but it looks like we've just gotta get #20-"The Light" topic out of the way for everyone...right?

Before I get into this whole "light" issue, let me tell you straight up--I believe in God. I don't know about the whole "light" thing, but it wouldn't surprise me. I also believe in aliens cause I'm not sure God was ok, with we humans being IT and I know He's got a sense of humor and a crazy sense of irony. So I can't help but think that maybe we just might not be the only beings around this universe, or any other.

Having stated that, I also have a disclaimer---I cannot affirm nor deny the validity of any of what I may express regarding my recent near death/did die/second life experience (I have yet to determine what to call this episode, but I know it was more than a "spell") What I mean by this is, I can only express what happened from my perspective. I am hoping to eventually track down someone who was more consciously there, but I'm not sure that will ever happen. So, what I may view as a psychological or emotional experience, may have been the result of me getting stuck real fast with a big giant shot of something. What I may express as a physical trauma, in reality, may have been a patient (me) being "uncooperative"...yes, that phrase was used and yes, I take a little issue with that one! So my disclaimer is simply that this is my perspective as accurately as I can tell it and that's all.

Now...The Light--I'm tired of using quotation marks so I'm going to caps instead. The Light is a funny topic to me. I am stunned at the number of people, particularly strangers, that wait with baited breath for me to mention The Light. I don't mention it. And now I don't mention it for sheer folly for myself to see how the person inquiring about the experience gets around to asking or mentioning it themselves! A little human interaction study for my own personal entertainment. Not in any way intended to be mean or unkind, simply an observation of how we humans work.

Here are some of the approaches I've fielded after giving a brief version of "what happened to me":

• So you died? Sort of I guess. Wellllll??? Well what? Well, did youuuuu.... Yes? Did you see anything? Like what? You know. Like a light or something???

• OH MY GOSH! DID YOU SEE THE LIGHT?

• Wow, that's incredible. There wasn't any light was there?

• Anything else? Umm, no. So you were dead? Well, I guess for a minute or two I was. And there was nothing else? Well, I was kind of out of it. I don't know what else was going on at the time. No, I mean for you?

So, now that you've been so patiently waiting, courteously refraining from asking (which I really don't mind anyhow!) or just voyeuristically curious (that would be me)--here's the deal...

I saw no Light. Now, before you roll on the floor in frustration, drop your mouth open in fear that I'm doomed to hell, or sit dumb-founded staring at the screen thinking, "I just knew SHE would see the light" (by the way, thank you, if the latter is what you were thinking) I want you to remember a few things:

1. Remember I said I do believe in God, I'm not sure what the whole Light deal is with Him and I do believe He has a good sense of humor...and timing. And, no, I'm really not kidding about all this.

2. I really, REALLY didn't WANT to see a light. As a matter of fact, I was doing my very, very best to just hang on and not lose conscientiousness. And, having never been in this type of predicament before, all I could remember to help me was that information from those stupid Lamaze classes back when I thought I would have "natural child birth", and "finding a focal point". So, while in the ambulance, that's what I tried to do...until I realized I was focusing on one of those ugly, dim halogen can lights. I thought to myself, "what the heck am I doing? I don't want to focus on a Light!", so I quickly switched up and began to focus on the window...hence my ability to recognize the incredibly long route we were taking.

3. I know that God is perfection. I really believe that. But it may not be perfection in the sense that we know perfection and I'm not certain that everything around Him is--there are some kinks that He's constantly having to work out. And I think those kinks are both here on earth and up there with Him. He, of course can run the show all on His own, but I think He tends to enlist the help of others (can you say, "Father, Son & the Holy Spirit"?); perhaps many others. You know He's got a lot of Big Priorities to take care of Himself. And I don't pretend to know how the whole death and dying gig goes down up there. I don't know why it wouldn't be similar to Jimmy Stewarts It's a Wonderful Life--that seems perfectly logical to me.

But for the sake of argument, in my case, I really think this whole Light thing, falls under one of two (possibly three) scenarios, or, perhaps a combination of both--remember, I'm talking about my case here (you'll have your own case one day):

• Clerical Error - someone very similar to me was being "called home", their ship was sailing, they'd run the course, their gig was up--for whatever reason they were going to die (I don't mind using the "d" word - more on that in Chapter 1 later). The runners were given the papers, nabbed me for that person and then, when it was realized that Stephanie Biddick was NOT said person who's time was up, a flurry of activity went into play to make things right. Paperwork had to be switched out, assistants had to check and re-check the records, He had to give His final stamp of approval all while The Light was headed my way. Of course, He's pretty quick if He wants to be, but this was just one of those last minute "oops-I-hope-He-doesn't-find-out-we-screwed-up deals". So The Light may not have been cued, someone may have realized the mistake and shut The Light down to avoid further confusion or they may have just hustled really well avoiding any Light issues in the first place. Regardless, it seems, at least on my end, that it was a close one for Stephanie.

• Desire- I think you have to want to see The Light. Ladies and gentlemen, let's be very clear here. I didn't even want to go to doctors offices this summer, far less find myself bleeding out and suffocating in an ambulance full of high-fiving on-the-job trainees, while I was not too far from seeing The Light. Until September 13th, I've always thought of myself as a bit of a weenie...well, a BIG bit of a weenie. I am certain you all thought I had a shell of titanium. I didn't, but I sure do now. I fought and fought and fought and did NOT want to go where I was certain my body was taking me. So had there been a Light, I think I would have started some fast talking with God about all the extra special plans I was readying myself to implement---that is, if He and I could just make a quick deal. But, as we all know...God doesn't make "deals". God teaches. Could it be that God may have been striking up our "deal" first, saying something along the lines of this:
  "Hey you! Yeah YOU....Stephanie Kay Rourke Biddick. Yeah, I'm trying to get your attention. You know how you are talking about all those people who are nagging at you to just take it easy and do what you are supposed to do...and you keep saying you will, you will? Well, I'm kind of thinking that, based on what I know about you, you very well may not. So, I've been thinking you may need a little dose of reality as to who's really in control around here. Cause, it ain't you. And for that matter it's not those "naggers" either. It's me. I'm in control. I know you are a pretty good gal, you're not too bad a friend, you could use some work in the wife department and you're an ok mom when you're not obsessing, but I think you can do better. I think you can do a lot better. I don't really know if you will, but you've got some potential. I don't expect you to be perfect, but I do expect you to remember why you are here. I think I've got just the thing for you to chew on a bit, contemplate and consider. You can share it if you like, or you don't have to. Your choice. I don't mean for you to be scared. I know you are. But I'm with you through this one. I want you to remember how much I love you and and I want you to remember how much loving each other and all that nagging really means. I'll check in on you later."

I really don't know if that was His point or what He was saying to me, but I wouldn't be too surprised if it was.

• Scenario Three - frankly, I don't like thinking about scenario three. It's not so much about there not being The Light as it is that one doesn't "get" to see it ... well, I'm just not going to go there.

So, no--I saw no Light--it's sort of hard to say that because I tend to feel like I'm letting everyone down. I see the disappointment in their eyes, or I see the reverse--"I KNEW there wasn't a Light" or they just want to shake their heads, as in "dang...I had so hoped". But keep in mind, as much as I don't want to let anyone down I really am glad I didn't see a light, The Light, or Any Light at all! I think it's important that everyone take into consideration their own beliefs and maybe realize that we don't have it down exactly like we thought we did. I know I don't. I was really scared enough. I was trying so hard to give myself another chance. For those of you who haven't heard all the gorey details, I knew...KNEW...without one single doubt, not one single flitter of thought, that I was dying. I did. And yes, it was terrifying. I was terrified. I thought about my kids, I thought about Steve, I thought about all my family and my friends and I begged God, and I prayed and I got scared when I couldn't remember my prayers or didn't know what to say or think. But I always went back to the thought of "I just want to be here now. I want to be right here, with these people and have their love and be able to love all of them right now. It can't be now that I leave. It simply can't be"--and all this happened in minutes. Just small minutes of time in my life.

Since I don't have the whole Light thing to fall back on, I'm going with a mixture of the first two scenarios. And if the third scenario did come into play...well, I'm hoping that I lucked out with a re-do now.

Even though it still bugs me when the house is messy and the dishes are piled up and no one has taken the trash out, Thank you God for showing me the REAL Light and most importantly thank you for teaching me to remember to see that REAL light each and every moment! (a wink from me...as I sponge off the counter, and a nod from Him as He tends to working out a few other kinks)

Changes & Realizations

To date since September 13th--

1. Short term memory - shot

2. Coffee makes me gag now

3. Acute awareness of what neck muscles really DO do in one's day to day life

4. Constant sleeping and reclining can make you really tired

5. Sore vocal chords--who knew?

6. Leftovers are overrated after all

7. Visitors are the best thing since sliced bread

8. One small chocolate shake from Braums can make you cry tears of joy

9. Facebook is boring

10. My neck is smaller

11. I look amazingly and unexpectedly great

12. Soreness from cpr is worse than soreness of two surgeries and intubation

13. I knew I had great friends and family. I just didn't realize how many I had.

14. I like flowers.

15. I have a lot of time on my hands

16. I think I want a job

17. Pain can be managed with Extra Strength Tylenot just fine

18. My husband really REALLY loves me

19. Sometimes texting IS better than talking

20. Lung capacity is taken for granted. Did you know you can "exercise" them? (and I don't mean that warrior running stuff Pat O'dea!! Good work, by the way!)

and

21. Take a minute to realize how gorgeous you family is, and how gorgeous it is outside. Do it now.

It's Still Here!!

...my somewhat odd sense of humor that is. I've already posted regarding my recent "event" (thanks brother Matt!), which was well beyond a "spell" or an "episode". "Event" is an appropriate word--for me, September 13th, 2011 was an "event". The words "life-altering" and "life-changing" can also be plugged right in there before "event". I am having a hard time determining the difference, at least for myself, right now. One thing I know is that, in addition to my very spiritual feelings regarding things like this, I continue to have somewhat of an irreverent, practical take on even this "event".

Before my attentions are diverted, I think a brain-storming session for future posts (dare I say..."chapters"??!) is in order, and in no particular order as well:

1. The "D" word - use it or avoid it?

2. "Sweetie" - A Word We Rarely Used in the Past and Why We Feel the Need to End Each Conversation With It Now.

3. Ambulance Routes - Could We Use a Map or GPS PLEASE? As a last resort--Feeling Comfortable Asking the Transportee.

4. Hospital Gowns - A New Cottage Industry in the Making

5. Exercised Calves! - What You Get When You Leave the Hospital (besides the cold and stack of bills). Is there an explanation for leaving with a great calf muscle when you'd rather have had the great abs?

6. Intubation Communication - Making Your Communication Count. Know that the word "sock" CAN, and most likely WILL be confused to mean "dog" instead.

7. Modern Medicine? - You scan my body, get a full assessment of my insides complete with HD movie quality motion, but you can't test my "blood gases" without taking a needle and jamming it into the bowels of my arteries??

8. Emergency Personnel Lingo--Why "try and stay calm" doesn't work for certain patients. How to get your Emergency worker to pay attention.

9. Doctor Lingo - Code Words. Is it bad when a doctor says he's REALLY glad to be meeting you now since he didn't think he'd "get" to.

10. Firemen - New Interpersonal Skills for Loading Emergency Patients.

11. Nurse "Techs" - Befriending Even the Crabbiest of Techs. Your body fluids=Their job. Do you REALLY wonder why they are grouchy when they enter your room?

12. Coping Skills - Different Modesty, Vanity and Pain levels of Patients and How those Differences Effect the Patients Demeanor.

13. Visitors - Love 'em or Leave 'em?

14. Food Already? You Must Be Kidding - The Vital Importance of Healthy Bowels.

15. Poop Talk - Being able to let go of those uncomfortable feelings regarding this topic, and allowing yourself to understand and communicate freely regarding it's DAILY importance.

16. Prayers Said in Desperate Times - Does God always listen? Does He appreciate the importance of things others may not.

17. The Not-so-Improved Weight Loss Plan - Not for the faint of heart

18. The Uncontrollable Crying Spell and How to Effectively Manage one in a Social Setting

19. Final Thoughts - what those thoughts say about you as a human and do you really want to know?

and my personal favorite...

20. "The Light" - Raise Your Hand If You Want to Know!! Did you see it? What did it look like? How did you feel? How to approach your questioning responsibly and how to handle disappointing the questioner.

I'm just certain there are more, but for now I think I can write a good deal on each one of these for the next 20 days. We'll see. Any other suggestions?! I'm open for new ideas! Let's take a vote for which ones I should tackle first.

Now for a nap.

Just the Facts Ma'am

Ok, because I clearly STILL don't get FB and some of you can't read Sam's posts, I will fill you in with the unedited short version--as I am a touch worn out right now! Ok, I've come back to this sentence--this isn't such an unedited short version...but no less factual.

After an incident this past spring I decided to start finding out (and doing something about) my horrific "time of the month" issues and my out-of-the-ordinary exceptional tiredness. This resulted in spending nearly all of my summer at or visiting doctor's offices, labs, and various "specialists"...to simply find out that...I am healthy as a horse. Seriously. Symptoms continued and trials of different treatments failed, and although my thyroid function tested fine, I was continually led back to doctors mentioning "thyroid issues". The only issue finally determined was that my thyroid was abnormally large (twice the size of a "normal" one) and had changed in size and shape over months/years. It was left to me to decide further treatment between two or three equally so-so options.

Monday, Sept. 12th I went in for a standard thyroidectomy (removal of my thyroid). I was not nervous and there were no issues whatsoever. I had the surgery done at Tulsa Spine and Specialty and had an exceptionally outstanding staff, surgical team and an angelic recovery nurse! I spent one night for observation, did well and was home by 10:30 or 11:00 am Tuesday, Sept. 13th. I have witnesses who will vouch for my satisfactory behavior and that not only was I a stellar patient while there, but also minded all rules upon my return home.

I immediately took a well-deserved and terribly needed shower, freshened up in some clean clothes and began to construct my "nest" for a week-long rest. A giant pot of homemade chicken noodle soup had been delivered and I was ready to settle down with a bowl right after an equally badly needed bathroom break (sorry, but it's crucial to "the facts"!). The bathroom break was every post-surgery patients dream come true...initially. When finished, I couldn't quite figure out why my shirt felt all wet.

It was about 12:30 pm. Things went downhill from there. My shirt was covered in blood and I was afraid I had "split" something open. When I made it to the sink I realized I had. When my doctor had done the initial surgery a very small "drainhole" of sorts was left outside of my glued incision and that was allowing the drainage of an incredible amount of blood. (sorry--this just grosses me out, but you asked) I could tell I wasn't going to be able to last long, I called Steve who was outside and I called Marie who was cleaning. They both showed up instantly and there were a few moments of trying to decide what to do--call the doctor's office, drive me himself, call 911---after shaking some of the shock off, I grabbed my phone, dialed 911, handed to Marie who was "applying compression" and told her to tell Steve to take it from there.

Emergency services arrived within 6 or 7 minutes I think. My neck was swelling and my throat was being constricted by the growing hematoma in my lower neck. Three firemen and three EMSA ladies (and, I use that term loosely) eventually got me into the ambulance. After many minutes in the ambulance with an issue involving an IV, and me approaching hysteria, they were convinced to leave without a successful IV attempt. The ride to the emergency room was complete with sound and lights. I tried to concentrate on our route, which was circuitous at best. I was continuing to be told to "stay calm", but was also trying to convey the fact that I could tell I would not be able to breath on my own for much longer. My neck/throat was continuing to enlarge, the pain was unimaginable and the bleeding was now internally contained making the situation worse.

At this point I can't be very objective--I was hysterical and knew that I wasn't doing well. They got me out of the ambulance and rolled me in to the building and I think I was screaming something...I don't know exactly what, but I was thinking, "this really is it, I'm terrified and I sure wish someone would do something quick because I can't hold on here much longer". I remember seeing many strangers faces (Steve had followed in his truck) looking at me either in horror or disgust or disbelief. I then remember hurling myself forward in somewhat of a sitting position knowing that was my last moment and being utterly terrified and then falling back to my right and quite honestly my last thought then was..."well, maybe I'm being a bit too dramatic". That was it.

Next thing I knew I woke up in a very dark room (which I later found out wasn't dark at all) with several familiar people's frightened faces looking at me. To my recollection, Steve, my mom, Cal, Sheila, Ryan, Chelsea and Jenene were there. Everyone was "lit up" where I could see them, but everything else was dark and everyone looked very scared. At this point the reality was that CPR had been performed on me in addition to me being intubated (don't know what order that happened) and an emergency surgery performed about 2:00 or 2:30 to clear out the huge hematoma that had formed around my trachea and to cauterize the blood vessel branch that was bleeding. All I knew is that I hurt really bad, still felt like I was suffocating and then realized I had a tube down my throat and could in no way make any sound at all. Enter all the great comments here, but know that I was equally terrified...again. I think I cried a lot and had a multitude of questions and thoughts I wanted to communicate about pain and about my family. It was about 3:00-3:30 pm. Tuesday afternoon--the very same afternoon I was looking forward to sitting down with that nice bowl of homemade chicken noodle soup.

Tuesday night and Wednesday were spent in ICU. It was not a pleasant place to be but I was cognizant enough to realize that I was fortunate to be there. That, however, didn't stop the tube down my throat from being extremely uncomfortable--especially when they wanted to "test" it to see if I was moving any air on my own. Here is where I give a huge hats off to those far braver and stronger than me who live in this state for weeks in full conscientiousness. I do not know how one does that. I was extubated about 9:30 that morning and was able to finally make sense to those recipients of my hand signals and clipboard scratchings. (I had been trying to communicate "socks", not "dogs") I had many visitors and there was laughter and tears and I was happy to have the distraction. Travis and Ryan were there with Steve and I, and Sam and Mike were on their way. I was blessed to have wonderful neighbors who took care of Anne and her school needs till I was in less scary shape to be seen.

Thursday I went to a regular floor. Writing this now the time must have gone much faster than what it seemed like there. But the usual post-surgery stuff happened here, an independence was slowly handed back to me...along with some pretty crappy pain meds. Again--my room was filled with family, friends and laughter and yes--it was exhausting...and I wouldn't have had it any other way. It kept me "un" focused on my pain and my fear. I will never forget Thursday night. For just a bit of time I was in this hospital room with my husband, my oldest son, my oldest daughter and her husband, my youngest son and his fiance, my youngest daughter and our priest. We had a time of family prayer with Father Joe and he blessed and anointed me. We had laughter and I held back many, many tears of joy.

Friday my "miracle" doctor, Dr. Siemens waltzed in and exclaimed, "let's get outta here this morning"! I held him at bay for a bit due to some nervousness I had going home quite so soon. But by 2:30 on Friday I was back home.

My mother, Judy and step-dad, Cal, my father Norman and step-mom, Connie, my sister Sheila and a dear family friend, Jenene Howland, (who calmed us all through every single moment) and my army of friends were by my side always--in spirit and in person. They felt my pain, and some are still as scared as me. But, for the most part, they kept me laughing through it all and kept me focused on what was important. With each person I saw and each person I've spoken to I thank God and all the amazing health care professionals for giving me additional time and moments here. As drama queenie as this all sounds, it is truly heartfelt. I wasn't ready to "go" when I knew I was going...in fact, I was a little p.o'd about the whole thing before I had to finally give in. So to each of you, regardless of the amount of time we see or spend with each other, please know that our paths have crossed for a reason and I will try my best to faithfully appreciate whatever our connection, each and every day.

Thank you for your prayers, your thoughts, your jokes, your tears--and mostly your presence.

Stephanie

THE PERFECT BIG SURPRISE

In TWO Days, I hope to have a scrapbook done for my daughters 13th birthday. The story that is going in the book is below. Thank you to everyone--all our family, my sister, my parents, all our friends (new and old) who have encouraged me to appreciate the best Big Surprise I will ever, ever have. And most especially to Steve who, I believe, was truly sent from God to show me what true love is and to teach me what is really important in this journey--I love you.

Once upon a time in a land not so far away, there lived a wonderful family of five. There was a Mommy, a Daddy, a Big Brother, a Sister and a Little Brother. They all lived very happily together and each had their own “specialness”. Little Brother was a funny little boy. He was always putting on a show and he loved to move a lot. Sister was a very sweet, smart young lady. She liked things “just so” and she was a great helper to everyone. Big Brother was a caring and dependable young man. He took things very seriously, but liked to play with his sister and brother and friends too. Daddy was a very hard worker and always had time to wrestle with the brothers, help with homework and play pretend with the sister. Mommy was busy. Mommy took care of her three little kids all the time. Sometimes she took care of other kids too. She cleaned and cooked and made sure everyone brushed their teeth.

Big Brother, Sister and Little Brother had many friends and Mommy and Daddy were friends with those friend’s parents too. Mommy and Daddy liked having friends and family nearby. In the summer time many of these friends would get together at a swimming pool and let the kids play together all day long. It was lots of fun and they named their group of friends The Village. When each summer ended The Village friends would go their own separate ways and see each other now and then until the next summer rolled around.

One year there was a special event that brought all The Village people and many other friends and all sorts of family together at a different time.

One fall Mommy started to feel a little different. After several weeks of feeling different Mommy decided to go see Doctor. Doctor had some very special news for Mommy—there was going to be a Big Surprise. That night when Daddy returned home with Sister, Mommy told Daddy the very special news about the Big Surprise. Daddy was very surprised too. Mommy kept a secret---the secret was that Mommy was very, very worried about the Big Surprise. Mommy was worried that she wouldn’t be able to do a good job taking care of the Big Surprise. Mommy worried that she was too old and too tired to have such a Big Surprise. And, Mommy was a little scared that her old tired body might not be healthy and young enough to have the Big Surprise.

Right away Daddy knew that Mommy was worried and he knew just what to do to make Mommy feel better. He told her the Big Surprise was a wonderful surprise. He reassured her that she would do a great job and he, of course, would always help her. He did his very best to show Mommy that he wasn’t worried at all…even though Mommy knew he was a little bit.

Time passed and Mommy and Daddy kept the Big Surprise a secret for quite some time. One cloudy cool day in the winter, Mommy and Daddy told the kids that they were going on a picnic in the park. The kids were excited and helped gather everything for their fun day. When they got to the park the wonderful family of five played Frisbee, played on the swings and played ball. Then they gathered together, spread the blanket on the ground and began to eat their lunches. It began to get very cold and Mommy and Daddy knew that it was time to share their special news about the Big Surprise.

Mommy and Daddy asked the kids what they would think if they had another brother or sister. Baby Brother thought it would be great so that he wouldn’t be the baby anymore. Big Brother thought it would be nice too since he liked having a younger sister and brother. Sister thought it was just fine the way the wonderful family of five was now. When Mommy asked her if she’d be ok with another brother or sister, Sister thought and said she probably would, but she’d be GREAT if she had a little sister. So Mommy and Daddy told their three kids about the Big Surprise---that this wonderful family of five would soon be a wonderful family of six! Big Brother didn’t believe Mommy and Daddy at first and had lots and lots of questions. Little Brother was very, very excited and jumped around a lot. Sister was excited too and began planning right away for a new baby sister. And everyone wanted to know where the Big Surprise was going to sleep.

After the new year had come and gone, it was time to tell more people about the Big Surprise. Most of the time, they let Big Brother, Sister or Little Brother do the telling…it was nicer that way. Everyone was very, very surprised. Some family and friends were more surprised than others and some had very surprising reactions. But eventually everyone got used to the idea of the Big Surprise joining the wonderful family of five and soon everyone began to be very, very excited about the Big Surprise.

One day Mommy had a special appointment. She and Daddy were going to find out if the Big Surprise was going to be a boy or a girl surprise. Mommy decided that it would be a good idea for Sister to go also. Sister would need some extra time to think about things if the new Big Surprise was going to be a Boy Surprise and Mommy wanted to make sure that Sister had plenty of time before the Big Surprise came. So, they all three went to Doctor’s office, A very nice nurse took them to a dark room where she took pictures of the Big Surprise in Mommy’s tummy. The pictures were hard for Sister, Mommy and Daddy to make out, but then the nice nurse pointed out the parts of the Big Surprise and Mommy, Daddy and Sister were very, very quiet while watching the Big Surprise move all about. Mommy reminded the nice nurse that they would like to know if it was a Boy Surprise or a Girl Surprise and the nurse exclaimed, “oh! It’s definitely a GIRL Surprise!” Sister cried happy, happy tears and Mommy did too. Daddy was happy that all the girls were happy.

Soon all the friends and all the family and all The Village knew of the new GIRL Surprise that was coming. There were fun parties and special parties called showers and great celebrations. Mommy and Daddy were getting excited too. Secretly, Mommy still worried a bit, and secretly Daddy did too. But everyone pitched in to help make things as easy for Mommy and Daddy as they could. Big Brother and Little Brother helped move their rooms together. Sister helped get GIRL Surprise’s baby room set up and decorated. People came with diapers and toys for the new GIRL Surprise. Grandparents and Aunts helped take care of Big Brother, Little Brother and Sister. And soon it was summer time again and the time came for the GIRL Surprise to come.

Mommy had done the very best job she could of being healthy and ready for the new GIRL Surprise. Daddy was calm and ready too. Early one morning they left for the hospital. When they got there, Mommy was so happy to see some of The Village friends and her Very Special Friend from Days Done By. Since Mommy was still a little scared, it was good for Mommy to have people there to help take her mind off that part. Daddy was always nervous at that part too! But soon it was time for Doctor to help Mommy get the GIRL Surprise. Daddy put his handsome gown, hat and slippers on and off they went. Mommy had asked for her favorite Special Nurse Friend to be in the room when the GIRL Surprise came. When Mommy was rolled in the room, there was Nurse Friend and that made Mommy very happy. Nurse Friend helped Daddy not be so nervous too!

Soon Doctor came in and asked if everyone was ready. Mommy sure hoped they all were! Mommy liked to try and be funny during these scary times. Daddy didn’t like being funny so much at scary times. But Doctor told Mommy and Daddy everything was going to be ok and Doctor began his work. It wasn’t very long before GIRL Surprise made her big beautiful entrance into the room! She was perfect in every way and Mommy, Daddy and Nurse Friend cried happy tears of joy! Mommy got to hold GIRL Surprise for just a bit but Doctor needed to finish his work. So Daddy was the lucky one who got to leave the room and carry the new baby GIRL Surprise down the hall to meet her family, friends, Big Brother, Little Brother and one very excited Sister.

When Mommy, Daddy and all three kids found out that they were going to welcome a new GIRL Surprise into their family, they all put their heads together and they had come up with a name for the new GIRL Surprise. Her name was Anne Marie.

Mommy stayed at the hospital with the Big Surprise, Anne Marie and just held her a whole lot. After several days Daddy came to take Anne Marie and Mommy home. Mommy was a little tired for a while when she got home, but she never got tired of waking up in the middle of the night to take care of Anne Marie. She would pick her up and hold her and rock her and Anne Marie loved falling asleep on top of Mommy. Mommy was not worried anymore. The wonderful family of five was now a wonderful family of six and they all loved Anne Marie more than they could have ever imagined. Everyone made sure that Anne Marie was always cared for.

Something extra special happened that summer that the Big Surprise, Anne Marie came--all the friends and all the family and all The Village and Mommy, Daddy, Big Brother, Sister and Little Brother all felt a little closer and a little more love and a little more joy because of The Big Surprise. They all wanted to take care of Anne Marie and she brought joy to everyone who was around her. She was happy and content and fearless. She spent her first few weeks being with her family and meeting The Village friends and learning to love water and sun and people. She went to parties. She slept in her swing. She was the best Big Surprise that anyone could have ever wished for.

But that’s not the end of the story…something very, very strange happened. One day Mommy woke up and found a 13 year old in Anne Marie’s bed. Mommy looked around and wondered, “what on earth happened to that wonderful Big Surprise Anne Marie?” And then Mommy heard someone who sounded a bit like the Big Surprise Anne Marie say, “Mom, I’m here…I’m just a little older now” And Mommy turned around to see a beautiful, strong, intelligent, loving, friendly, gentle young lady. At that moment, Mommy knew that young lady was the most magnificent and amazing Big Surprise that any wonderful family of six would ever be blessed with. So Mommy hugged the Young Lady Anne Marie and said “I Love You”. Mommy hoped the Young Lady Anne Marie would say I Love You back…

And she did.

The Beginning.

THINGS I'VE (HAD) DONE IN THE LAST 2-3 WEEKS

Decided on a "push" to get a few projects somewhat finalized where there weren't so many "loose ends" around here. Here's the off-the-top-of-my-head list:

Outside
2. Sod laid in back yard thanks to Gary and Tracie Allen of Eden Landscaping. Originally just planned on partial sod in back covering one of the SEVEN beds in the backyard.
3. Revision-had two additional beds yanked out, some items salvaged for transplanting elsewhere, sodded
4. Had large bed on west side cleaned out, weeded, hoed and mulched for later planting
5. Three patio beds all weeded, hoed, mulched, transplanted items and planted annuals for color thanks to Ryan Biddick (and myself!)
6. Planted flowers in pots for back and front yard.
7. All invasive monkey grass dug up and removed
8. Removed all native stone from all beds surrounding house
9. Driveway bed revamped with native stone and giant rocks from back beds, weeded, hoed, mulched ready for additional planting
10. Front of house beds revamped adding stacked stone, removing all monkey grass, weeded, hoed, mulched ready for additional planting.
11. 6+ azaleas transplanted to front area for proper growth
12. All outdoor lighting cleaned
13. Patios, trim and beams cleaned
14. Hoses attached and installed in carts-front and back
15. Ping Pong table picked up and in garage ready for action!

INSIDE
1. Ordered about a dozen wrought iron doorknobs to replace the gold contractors knobs that had NOT been replaced previously when they PARTIALLY replaced SOME of the gold contractors knobs with the pricey wrought iron ones! Took about 1 1/2 hours to order at Garbe's with Dave. Still got home short two--my fault!
17. Dining room light from old house reinstalled in kitchen area
18. New fan purchased and installed for hearth room-old ugly fan removed and disposed of!
19. New dining room fixture purchased and installed for dining room (LOVE!) - old fisture moved to eating area.
20. House address sign installed on mailbox (finally!)
21. Cabinet door underneath kitchen sink repair to shut without hair tie
22. Two drawer slides repaired so that drawer would actually open and close
23. Two massive holes patched, repaired and painted
24. Small gameroom tv mounted on master bedroom wall
25. New TV ordered, delivered and installed in gameroom
26. Most of new doorknobs installed
27. Daughters bathroom painted and fixtures re-installed (needs touch up!)
28. New bedding for daughters room added for a successful completion of a tough 6th grade year.
29. Pillow covers for sofa, bedroom bench and bedroom chair made

LEFT TO DO

1. Some additional flowers/plants planted
2. Front porch concrete stained
3. Buy 2 barstools
4. Windows cleaned
5. Scrapbook room picked up and organized properly
6. Remaining boxes in gameroom emptied, items gone through and put away from move
7. Probably a couple more little things!

Whew! Think I can get it wrapped up TODAY?!! No WONDER I'm tired!!

NERVES

Nerves: firmness or courage under trying circumstances: an assignment requiring nerve; strength, vigor, or energy: a test of nerve and stamina; nerves, nervousness: an attack of nerves.

Basically nerves can be tested when one is "brave" and again when one is "chicken". One would think a child would be the latter and an adult the former; not so much the case in my house today. Can I just say--I have the most ridiculously all-around great kids ever. Yes, they drive me in sane at times, try my patience, frustrate the heck out of me...but all in all they are really quite extraordinary. Today, one in particular showed remarkable composure and confidence. Who knew at 12 you could act like THAT?!

Today, Tuesday, January 4, 2011 my 12 year old daughter did one of the things that I have always felt was one of the single most difficult acts for a child to make--the act of trust. Not for all children mind you, and certainly not for younger children. They will trust you if you tell them the bug they just caught is very yummy. But for a 12 1/2 year old girl, who's had three older siblings, been immersed in adult conversation and lifestyle and has a pretty sharp brain, sometimes "trust" is a difficult thing.

A bit of history before I continue: My oldest child started formal public school in 1991. Kindergarten. We were in a terrible school district and decided it was imperative that we move before our children grew much older. Mid-school year in November of 1992 we did just that. We took our oldest son out of the environment he was familiar with and plopped him in a setting that we promised him would be far more advantageous for his life-long goals. He was 7 years old. A wise 7, but nonetheless still only 7. Christmas break came around in our new neighborhood. By then he had a 3-year old sister and a new baby brother, both whom he adored. We had a wonderful Christmas break in our new home and enjoyed each other's company to the fullest. Break was over, time for school to start up again.

The night before school was set to begin, while pressing that perfect crease in my 7-year old son's blue and white striped train engineer OshKosh overalls, he came into the room and announced that he didn't want to return to THAT school the next day. What? This was my child who LOVED school. This was the boy that LOVED learning. This could not be happening. There must be something else...

"What do you mean you don't want to go back to school?"

"I don't want to go to that school tomorrow"

"Why?"

"I don't like it at all. It's terrible"

"What makes it terrible?"

"Everything. The kids and the teacher and everything"

"Well, you are going to have to be a bit more specific for me to understand"

"The kids stand on the desks in the back and talk and are distracting. The teacher yells and gets upset. I can't concentrate to do my work and it's not fun and I don't like all the yelling"

(Thinking to myself that he had some very well-warranted points here, I was at a loss as to which "parent" card out of my hand should be played next...)

"Well, you know you can't just not go to school. They throw you in jail for that"

"They do?"

(Trust in my position on education was pivotal at this point as I could hear the teetering in his question--he could be tipped on either side of the proverbial "education is imperative" fence)

"Well, yeah. Or maybe they just throw me in jail for not sending you to school. But someone goes to jail"

At this point "nerve" came in to this picture. My 7 year old wanted to have nerve, he wanted to be brave. What he really wanted was to enjoy school again. He was (and continues to be!) a really bright kid. And, deep down he knew not to buy this "jail card" thing from mom...not one bit. I could see the doubt in his belief that there would soon be any of our grim faces printed on "WANTED" posters around town. But I could also see his defeat and his last bit of "please don't let me go down like this" braveness start to expel out of him as his eyes welled up with tears.

"Now wait a minute here"

"what?"

"I think we can work this out"

"how?"

"Well, it sounds like I need to go in and talk to the teacher or the principal if there is so much disruption in your classroom that you can't think in first grade"

"I don't want to get in trouble"

"You will not get in trouble"

"How do you know?"

"I know because if you get in trouble for doing what's right, someone else is going to get in trouble for doing what's wrong"

"by who?"

"By me"

"Really?"

"Really."

NOW we had re-established the Trust, some Nerve...some Real Nerve. Now even HE knew he could count on action. He hadn't lived with me for 7 long years for nothing.

So I did what I said I would do. And things worked out. And 12 years later he graduated from that same school system as an Honor Student with great promise ahead of him.

In the meantime, he'd acquired yet another baby sister. For some perspective: On the morning we left to take that then 19-yr old son to his first year of out-of-state college, we first made a quick stop to drop off his "new" baby sister for her first day of kindergarten. That sister grew up with three older siblings all with the same last name, all from the same house and neighborhood, and all with great diligence, attitude and pride that helped them make their way and forge a path through this particular public school system. So, like her siblings before her, in the Summer of 2004, she was set on a course to do the same...at the same place and with all the people she'd grown up knowing and who knew her and her family as well. She would become a Union Redskin.

Things change though. People change. Circumstances change. School systems change. Priorities change. My 12 year old daughter got caught in the middle of many of those changes.

Fortunately my 12 year old daughter is also the one child of our four who is most "flexible". She has always been on the flexi-plan at our house, being dragged from one event to another. Counting on one thing to happen and then changing courses for a new and different plan. She is hailed as the easy going child in the family. Nerves, braveness and trust being her unknowingly strong traits that keep her nature so easy...most of the time.

However, when a young girl is confident because she's been told over and over by all her family, all her friends, all the people who know her and her family (and even many who don't) how great and smart and wonderful she is, she never really gets to test that confidence. Today her confidence was tested and perhaps in a way that was quite startling not only to her, but to me as well.

Over the last couple years we'd decided that the school system all of our kids had attended all these years was no longer meeting our standards. Our 12 year old, being the bonus baby in the family, would soon be hitting some important educational years and this was not where she would benefit most. Slowly, plans were put into place to make a change. She was made aware of the long-term plan and was aware that, like always, even that could change. And it did--quite suddenly. In the middle of her 6th grade year, an opportunity was presented to us and a quick decision had to be made. We decided to move. Move to another neighborhood and move to another school. She would no longer be a Union Redskin.

I did my best to prepare her for the changes she would soon face. We went and visited the new school. We talked with people who went there. We drove around the neighborhood. We researched available opportunities the new school system provided. We purchased new Bixby Spartan wear. It all seemed exciting and she knew it would be difficult to leave her friends, but she seemed open to new experiences as well. She would be facing some of the same challenges her older brother had. She would have to adjust to new routines, new friends, new teachers and new ways of doing things. She would be fine.

Thinking about change, considering change, but then having it slap you right smack in the face in a matter of a few seconds are two different things.

Today was the first day for her to attend her new school. Clearly, I was the more nervous of the two of us. We had gone through all the paperwork hoops appropriately, we had purchased the necessary supplies, checked into lunch routines and knew about "going back" to a school that provided recess time again. What we hadn't done, is talk and think and imagine that one moment in time when a door would be opened for her, she would be nudged through that doorway, into a room of twenty-two 12 year old strangers with forty-four eyes looking right at you wondering who the heck the "new girl" was...while your mom stood in the hallway behind you with a sick little "mom smile" on her face. You know--the kind of smile that says, "oh my God, I can't believe I am standing here watching you go through this". The kind of smile that really means, "no, no come back here---we'll figure something else out". The kind of smile that says, "let me go in there and be stared at. You stay here." The kind of smile that says, "Dear God, please let them be kind to her, please let them love her like I do, please let them instantly know what a magnificent girl she is". That kind of smile.

She really was quite literally shoved into Mr. So and So's room in the middle of a sentence the counselor was speaking to us while we were touring what would soon be my 12 year old's new "hallway". The counselor quickly opened the door, introduced Mr. So and So to her and pushed her in. No "bye". No "see you after school". No "your day will be great". And as I stood there I saw what my 12 year old saw. I saw all those strange faces looking at her/me wondering... I saw her face go flush with redness. I sensed her hesitation. I saw her look to the new Mr. So and So teacher for seating direction. I saw her nerve wane. I saw her braveness be tested. I felt her trust teeter. And I turned and walked away unable to stop my tears while the counselor assured me she'd be alright, even though it's hard the first day or so.

All the way home I cried. I wanted to know if we'd done the right thing. I wanted to know if she would be ok. I wanted to know if she would hate the new school. I wanted to know if she would eventually declare her resistance like her older brother. What I really wanted was for her to still be little. What I really wanted was for her to be able to stay with me. What I really wanted was for her to not have to have nerves or be brave or trust. What I really wanted was for me to have nerve, and to be brave and to trust.

She did an incredible job today. I will never, ever forget that moment. I will never, ever forget that vision of exactly where she was standing and exactly what her face looked like and exactly how uncomfortable, and scared and helpless she felt. I will never forget feeling those same feelings right along with her ten times over that very moment.

I'm nineteen years older than I was when my 7 year old son learned he could count on the fact that I would always act on his behalf. I would always be there to encourage him to trust, to be brave and to have nerve. Nineteen years later, my 12-year old daughter somehow knew that she could count on the fact that I would always act on her behalf. She knew I would encourage her to trust, to be brave and to have nerve.

But I am so thankful she didn't turn around and see me or tell me bye before entering that classroom today.

Because she would have seen a mom who had doubt and fear and was a big "chicken". She would have seen me scurry down the hallway into the stairwell in tears. And she would have seen and likely not understood that I was counting on her action this time.

Today, at that moment that daughter became my encouragement and my most shining example for how I should trust, and be brave and and have nerve...like my most amazing 12-year old.

The Finishing Fairy

Is there a Finishing Fairy that works for other people that I don't know about?? If so, I need his or her number.

You know, someone who will FINISH the dishes and not leave one coffee cup and a fork in the sink after loading "all" the dishes after dinner;

Someone who will FINISH making the bed by actually putting the pillows back on the bed after neatly smoothing out the sheets & comforter;

Someone who will FINISH taking the trash cans all the way back behind the gate after the trash men come as opposed to leaving them about 4 feet from that dreaded gate latch;

Someone who will FINISH hanging their towel back on the towel bar after their shower as opposed to leaving it on the sink which just happens to be a whopping 2 feet from said towel bar;

Someone who will FINISH that terrible chore of rinsing their toothpaste spit out of the sink before they walk away;

Someone who, after eating a bag of pretzels (or equally crumbly item) in the living room will FINISH cleaning up the huge mess of crumbs left all over the coffee table and floor;

Someone who before tossing their socks and undies in the dirty clothes will FINISH unballing them from that neat little pingpong sized ball they end up in while taking them off their body...anybody???

Anybody there to FINISH up ANY of that stuff?

Have I become the Finishing Fairy? Clearly we all know the answer to that. So, I know a few people who may read this and say "picky, picky, picky...you should be GLAD that they load ANY dishes or even go to the trouble of even pulling that sheet up since they are getting right back in that bed a little later that night. The trash can made it THAT far back? You mean the towel wasn't left on the FLOOR? They BRUSH their teeth without you telling them? Pretzels...try ice cream! They KNOW what a dirty clothes basket is?" Well folks, here's my reply to that---

How 'bout I take you HALF WAY to piano lessons or swimming? Maybe you'd like that meatloaf minus the meat? What about me washing your clothes and putting them in your drawer wet? How's about I clean that toilet with softscrub, but don't rinse the soap off? Maybe I'll just do PART of the bills this month? Plan vacation....hmmm, sorrry, only planned for ONE. Birthday CAKE on your birthday--wups! Can you stop your day and pick me up--I'm stranded cause I didn't put gas in my car.

I mean REALLY??? What on earth do people think we Finishing Fairies do all day long? As "picky" as one might think some of this is, I bet if one counted the time it took to FINISH some of those things, they would see a. why a Finishing Fairy is needed in the first place, and b. that it would be very simple and easy to FIRE the Finishing Fairy, thereby freeing up time for other things. Finishing Fairies are nothing more than fairies with manners...a little respect, a nod for a job well done. Not an earth shattering, change the world job, just a little spit cleaned out of the sink so the next person doesn't have to look at it. A simple "I care enough that you are washing, drying and folding my clothes that I'll not also have you spend 15 minutes unballing every sock, underwear and shirt too".

I say we start a new campaign--"Finishing Fairies Hired, Tired and FIRED"

Chicken Salad

Death, dying, getting old--it's all about Chicken Salad.

I've decided to "cook" at home more, instead of going out to eat so often. Leftovers are nice, but revamping them is even better. Today I decided to make Chicken Salad out of the leftover grilled chicken. While making that chicken salad I got to thinking...no one under the age of 30, and often times 40, really likes Chicken Salad. Really--they don't. I didn't. Chicken Salad is for "old people". Why is that? Why is Chicken Salad something that every old person I know likes?

While I was making Chicken Salad today, something really odd happened...I started getting calls about people dying. No kidding. One of my oldest friends emailed to say she was on her way here from Atlanta--her father-in-law had passed away yesterday; a friend here in town called--her mother-in-law passed away this morning; I got a facebook message--our neighbor from our old neighborhood died today. All the while, I'm making "old people" Chicken Salad.

I was only a somewhat removed acquaintance of one of these people, but I know some of all their families or friends. I know a little about their lives. I know they meant a lot to a lot of people. But I don't know what all of them liked, disliked--but I bet they liked Chicken Salad. Making my Chicken Salad took on a whole new meaning. It became a tribute of sorts. A tribute to families who had lost someone they love, a tribute to a life well-lived, a tribute to a person who would be the missing link now in many circles...my Chicken Salad became something special. Something more than just "something old people eat".

It became somewhat of a comfort food, while still being a sad reminder of getting old. It became a reminder that I'd better make the best Chicken Salad I could, cause tomorrow I may not be able to make it better. It became a reminder that I should share that Chicken Salad with someone...anyone, because other people are the greatest gifts we have and sharing with others is the greatest gift we can give. It became something that I should appreciate and enjoy to the fullest, as I should each and every day of life.

While I'm sure this is an odd correlation, I don't think I'll ever look at (or eat!) Chicken Salad the same way again. I think I'll order it proudly...and often. I'll eat it with vim and vigor. And I'll remember all those "old people" had wonderful lives with wonderful people, were greatly loved, loved greatly and probably liked Chicken Salad.

39 Hours and counting

How can the last 21--no TWENTY TWO years have gone by so fast? Honestly. It has just hit me while sitting here at 3:30 in the morning as thoughts of my daughters wedding in 39 hours awaken me. I have had little bouts of tears, thinking about her "leaving" us. I have had solemn moments of wondering if she'll be okay. I've thought about seeing her walk down that aisle with her dad. I've thought about seeing all our family and friends who we love so dearly when I enter the church. I've thought about parties, and invitations, and flowers, and clothing and food and decorations. Extra socks, programs, guestbooks, transportation, makeup, hair, appointments, schedules and photographers...but the thing I can't quite quit thinking about is something I saw a couple nights ago.

We were watching home movies from about fifteen years ago. My daughter was turning seven I think. I sat still that night and watched that video--I watched her open her birthday gifts, I watched her take care of her little brother, I watched her admire her older brother, I watched her excitement opening her gifts, I watched her hug me while I was filming all this and then I watched her open a card from her grandparents...

One of her granddads loved teasing her when she was little about "Dancing Goat". I'm not quite sure how all that started but, nonetheless she wasn't extremely fond of it. On this particular birthday she opened a "special" certificate from him that referenced the Dancing Goat. She looked at it with exasperation and promptly went over and gave that particular grandfather the "what for". We played it back three times to try and figure out exactly what she was saying and still couldn't get it! But by the end of her tongue-lashing (she was smiling the whole time) everyone was laughing, including Big Pa. She was praised for being such a good sport and she accepted that praise with the graciousness of a person far older than her seven years.

This same girl will be getting married in about 39 hours. She has been a true source of pride and joy for the last 22 years. She has been loving, kind and thoughtful the last 22 years. She has worked hard at every single thing she decided to do for the last 22 years. She has earned respect, admiration, friendship and true love over the last 22 years. She has been beautiful inside and out for the last 22 years. She has read, created, learned, experienced and soaked in as much life as possible for the last 22 years. She has done that with dignity, pride, respect and endless grace for the last 22 years. For the last 22 years, she has added countless treasured moments, years of fun, and unending love to the lives of her siblings and her father and me.

I watched that video and could have sworn that it had just happened. I had a true "rush" of memories flood my thoughts. It has made me feel somewhat helpless, as if her life is happening too fast. Just like mine, it is. So for the next 39 hours or so, I'm going to devote every minute I can in enjoying one of the most extraordinary blessings God has bestowed upon me for the last 22 years-my child.

Maybe He'll be kind enough to slow those 39 hours down a bit...or maybe He's already taught me the value of that time and now it's up to me to do my best to live these next 39 hours to the fullest. I will.

Out of the mouths of Babes...and wonderful Daughters

I went to my daughters wedding website just now. Just as a matter of curiousity I clicked on the Guest Book page. This is exactly what I read:

"OMfreakinG! I am so excited and I have a great summer ahead of me! Like my sisters wedding, ( and I can't wait to see everybody who is coming for that matter! We are going to party hardy all ight long!!) the pool, the lake, my birthday, and my trip to Dallas to see Aunt Tess and Uncle Fred! Now I officially get to say Hip Hip freakin hurray! My bridesmaid dress finally fit today and that was the fifth time I went to try it on! By the way for those of you who know my dads dad keep him in your prayers because he had s pacemaker put in yesterday. Thanks to those who are praying for him. And, yes I know this is gonna sound super dramatic and cheesy but thanks to those who are (well iI don't wanna say supporting but I'm gonna say it anyway!) Thanks to those who have supported our family and have kept us in your prayers. One last thing before I go. Sam you are a beautiful, wonderful, amazingly talented, funny,(sometimes!) smart, and most time the most happiest big sister on this planet and you are like more then a sister your my BFF. Yes, I know I can be annoying around you and Mike but it's because I don't want you to leave me but I guess I will have to let you go. You picked a great guy and a great family and I am Grateful to have Mike as a brother! I love you with all my heart! Best wishes!"

I am blessed.

Thank You

Dear Jarman folks,

I just want to thank everyone at Jarman--new, old, young, “seasoned” (you know who you are!), teachers, support staff, building people…the whole lot of you—for doing your jobs every day. My family has benefitted from all of your efforts for years. All four of our children have wonderful memories of their time at Jarman, they have all loved being there, been loved while they were there and, most importantly they were all well-educated there.

To the teachers, I can’t thank you enough for the endless hours of effort that goes into your work…not just for my child, but for all the children. I can’t imagine doing your job every day, and I know some days you can’t either! Please remember that it still remains a very important job. I know that is very hard for some of you who have seen such changes over the last 10-20 years…it is hard for me too. Sadly, schools are now often expected to be not only the child’s teacher, but the child’s disciplinarian, manners coach and moral compass—an impossible task in addition to educating. Please know that there are still a few parents left out here who would prefer to do that work at home and leave the teaching to the schools. And, we truly appreciate you doing just that—teaching our kids.

To all the support staff…you truly make it run like clockwork at Jarman. It’s so nice to go back each year and see the same number of people doing the same work and making the work look easy. I know it’s not. Thank you for not hanging up on me when I call the school! Thank you for letting me hang over that counter and vent, and thank you for at least talking about me later behind my back!!! You guys always put a smile on my face and made me feel lucky to live where I do and know the great people I’ve been fortunate enough to meet at Jarman.

To all my kids teachers and those near and dear to the Biddicks—we have always loved that you love our kids (or faked it well!), putting up with them (and us) and encouraging our family throughout the years. Each and every one of you have played an integral part in my kids successes and helped them to learn how to better handle their failures. The unending patience (and sometimes your ending patience!), smiles, words of wisdom, care, concern and knowledge you shared will continue to be immeasurable in all our lives.

Speaking personally, to all of you I have known and encountered over the last 19 years--I have grown tremendously not only as a person, but especially as a mom because of you. I have become a better mom—truly the most important job I believe--thanks to many of you. I have become a more patient person thanks to many of you. I have learned what to care a lot more about and what to care a little less about, thanks to many of you. I have experienced some of my very best, most memorable life “moments” with you. And you allowed me to share some less-than-stellar moments with you. I have been so incredibly blessed to be a part of the Jarman family for the last 19 years. I will miss it terribly and fully intend on hanging over Carolyn’s desk some next year griping about something stupid my kids have done.

I love you all and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

With sincerest thanks,

Stephanie

(and I’m sure my less-than-wordy family!)

There's this Woman I Know

There's this woman I know who is ....


Amazing, wonderful, awesome, fantastic, outstanding, super...??? No, not really. We hear those words all the time. Honestly...do we really pay attention to those superlatives? I think not.

This woman is interesting. She is smart. She is kind. She is hysterical. She has thousands of children. She has no children. She is respected. She is tough. She is tender. She is unique. She is clever. She is sneaky. She is good-hearted. She is wise. She is active. She is tired. She is tenacious. She is unwavering. She is fair. She is a wife. She is a daughter. She is an aunt. She is a boss. She is an employee. She is a leader. She is memorable. This woman is a principal.

Being an elementary school principal is a special job in it's own right. But take an extraordinary person and put them in that job and you have something beyond simply "special". You have kids and parents who feel secure. You have kids and parents who learn. You have ingenious solutions to seemingly unsolvable problems. You have kids who learn to lead by example. You have an advocate insistent on the very best for ALL "her kids". You have kids learning to be ambassadors of good stewardship, honesty, integrity, intellect, kindness. You have parents and kids learning to cooperate in order to achieve goals. You have fun times and fond memories. You have nothing short of a host of angels helping to lift you and your child up to the highest levels of success. And when there are failures, disappointments or struggles, you have a shoulder upon which you and your child may cry. You have an advisor, a coach, a counselor and sometimes a referee.

This woman is the only elementary principal my children have ever known. For some kids she is their principal for all years, for others only part of a single year. But every year, this woman knows every childs name...not by the end of the year...by the beginning of the year. She knows their strengths, she knows their weaknesses. She knows their parents. She knows where they are from. She knows each and every child's "story". She knows your child and she knows mine.

And throughout the last nineteen years, this woman I know has become an integral, important, meaningful part of our family's story...more importantly, this woman, she is our friend.
Thank you Patti.

BLACK NAVIGATOR LADY

First of all, please know that this is simply a venting…I have read the newsletter pleas, etc., etc., and I know there truly is nothing you guys haven’t done already to encourage parents to drop their kids off in an appropriate “driving” manner!

Ok, so I decided it would be a “good idea” to take Anne to school today instead of riding the bus…

What on earth was I thinking?

I have never seen such crappy displays of A. rude driving behavior, or B. idiotic, ignorance behind some very nice vehicles, or C. just s**t-heads for adults/parents. (did I mention that I wanted to vent…and not in such a “PC” manner?)

I’m pulling up to Jarman from the east since we’d dropped off some stuff at a friend’s house this morning. I get in the little drop-off-your-kid-at-the-curb car line on the right side of the road and pretty soon this big-ass black truck drives by on my left. I think, no problem…the guy needs to get through to Memorial…he’s off to work. (clearly he’s late, but he’s off to work nonetheless). But no…he pulls around the cars in line into the parking lot. “No problem”, I say to myself. Surely he’s pulling into the parking area. Nope, not that either, he pulls around and cuts off a car about six cars in front of me in the drop-off-your-kid-at-the-curb car line and goes about his merry way taking his precious child up to the little drop-off-your-kid-at-the-curb car line in a very rude, but expedient fashion. Ok, maybe I would have wanted to get that kid dropped off faster too.

Anne is yelling, “HEY…HE’S NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT”! Well, Anne he’s probably in a hurry and let’s just let it go.

About that time, Black Navigator Lady pulls up to my left. Again I am naïve enough to think, “well she just needs on through here, but I’m not pulling over because I’m only about three or four car lengths from being able to turn into this god-forsaken parking lot and she can get through the middle to get past on her way to her ever-important job that helps her afford this nice big shiny Black Navigator”. So I stay my course in my scratched up silvery gray land yacht. As she inches through, it becomes painfully clear that she is, in fact not inching through, but instead inching (and more like lurching) into my silvery gray land yacht. Now, I realize that at one time I thought I had the fanciest car in south Tulsa. I had moved up from a blue Dodge Caravan with 158,000 miles on it to a Eggplant Purple Suburban extra long model, to now the ever-sporty silvery gray Suburban XLT with 4WD. Did Black Navigator Lady not know this? Did she not see me? Well of course Black Navigator Lady saw me…how could you not—I’m in the land yacht for pete’s sake!

Black Navigator Lady has no turn signal on indicating that this is the very first day she’s ever done this and “oops” she’s made a mistake and just missed the fact that there were eight or nine cars in the little drop-off-your-kid-at-the-curb car line and now she’s stuck and really, really sorry and could we please let her and her nice big shiny Black Navigator in to the drop-off-your-kid-at-the-curb car line now. Nope, by gosh, Black Navigator Lady has done this all intentionally and does not mind one bit if she hits the front driver’s side of my silvery gray land yacht. This is the point at which things take a turn in the silvery gray land yacht of mine. Anne is yelling, “HEY…THERE’S ANOTHER ONE…THEY ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT”! And, I, being of sound mind and having a few years of driving/parental/adult/good-decision-making experience under my belt calmly say, “nope she’s not” as I pull forward in an attempt to signal to Black Navigator Lady to move on down the road with her nice big shiny Black Navigator. Just as I pull forward, Black Navigator Lady makes a nice angular move in front of me all the while blocking all the traffic that truly is trying to get east and west on the through street.

At the first possible moment she can, Black Navigator Lady whips in front of my tiny little silvery gray land yacht with her kid bouncing around unbelted. We all stop and I am about 5 seconds from getting out of my car and “politely” walking up to tap on Black Navigator Lady’s window and explain to her how this whole system works. Instead I choose a nice little horn honk. That didn’t seem to make me feel better so I ever-so-quietly murmured the phrase, “bitch” under my breath. Clearly not low enough as my 11-yr old daughter’s head swung my direction. I acted as if I hadn’t heard a thing and in a minute or so simply said, “honey, would you see if you know who gets out of that nice big shiny black car in front of us?”. “yeah, sure…pull up some more mom”. Uh-huh…and exactly what do I think I’m going to do with THAT information??? Hunt the little girl down who hops out of the nice big shiny Black Navigator? Find out who her moron parents are so I can go give them a piece of my mind? Keying the nice big shiny Black Navigator did cross my mind.

Instead, I hurried Little Anne out of the car at the drop-off-your-kid-at-the-curb car line several car lengths from the door (another thing…do these parents think that the kids can’t walk a whole three car lengths to the door without dying before they get inside?). I said, “have a great day…love you”, pulled out of the drop-off-your-kid-at-the-curb car line, pulled up by nice big shiny Black Navigator Lady, watched her bouncy, dressed in pink, fluffy black-haired daughter get out of Black Navigator Lady’s car, and when Black Navigator Lady finally wondered who the schmuck was sitting next to her in the scratched up silvery gray land yacht she nearly hit, I scowled at her and her nice big shiny Black Navigator and drove off.

Next year can I get a part-time job directing traffic out there in one of those fluorescent vests? And, I liked to be carrying a large visible weapon while I pleasantly direct all those impatient, morally bankrupt, egotistical, self-centered, idiotic, rude drivers who attempt to cut in front of a whole line of patient car drivers at the drop-your-kid-off-at-the-curb car line, to the back of the line or else I blow their tires out with my handy dandy weapon. Is that too harsh for the district? I’m thinking the kids would love seeing the old lady with the bright vest taking on little "Ashley’s" mom who never, ever waits her turn…just like little Ashley.

For now, I guess I’ll go take it out on that stupid, condescending Wii Fit “trainer”.

Venting over…thanks.

The Humming of the Clothes Dryer

D-E-E-P E-X-H-A-L-E............

Here is what I am experiencing right at this very moment: the low hum of a clothes dryer working overtime, the clinks, clashes and beeps of a new wii Mario Cart game, a yearning to have not a single Christmas decoration in sight, a constant "need" to check American Airlines flight status for the next 16 hours to make sure my son returns to Germany safely, and an overwhelming desire to cry!

No, it's not possible for it to be hormonal. Stress...nope, that's all gone too. Relief...maybe somewhat. You know I think it's just everything. Everything all lumped into one big fat culmination of reality. Reality that a.) Norman Rockwell must have painted only fictional scenes. b.) Planning and executing are two TOTALLY different things c.) letting things take their course is usually best d.) Having your husband repeatedly tell you "c" while you (me) are still fighting the urge to "plan" means that he was right and you were...well...misguided e.) regardless of plans, families are unique and wonderful and funny and growing and changing entities that we are blessed to experience and be participants within.

Now, having said all that, what is up with this post-Christmas blues stuff? Is it the weather? Is it having to put all this Christmas junk up? (Of course, some around here contend that if not as much were put out, then it would be far easier to take everything down--odd logic, don't you agree?) It's just weird after Christmas--that's all there is to it. We had one heckuva Christmas here. We really did. We were all together. We had a truly WHITE Christmas. We were blessed to give and receive wonderful gifts.

So why is it that now I have this odd uncomfortable feeling of ... peace. A couple friends have just posted some clever comments relating to my perceived inability to relax, however, I'll have you all know that I just sat up in my bed and folded three loads of laundry while watching Desperate Housewives and quietly weeping at a hearty episode of Brothers & Sisters. Is that not relaxing? Surely it is. Does the fact that I also sucked on some sunflower seeds make the whole scenario lean more toward the relaxing side?

Here is my reality. My reality is that relaxing, at least for me, is a bit over-rated. A few examples: A TWO HOUR AND FORTY MINUTE movie about a science fiction character called Avatar who just doesn't like the idea of their "hood" (a tree of life) gettng blown to smitherenes by the evil militia group wanting to take over the universe....SERIOUSLY??? You mean to tell me that sitting and watching the blood curdling screech of girl avatar should be more relaxing than...say...vacuuming? At least when I vacuum I can hear the nice low hum of that little machine I am pushing, my floor ends up cleaner. When I sat "relaxing" for TWO HOURS AND FORTY MINUTES all I ended up with was a ringing headache and a sore butt.

I think the whole clothes dryer/decorations/crying thing is about change. I think that we humans don't necessarily "do" change well...at least not innately. And, sisters and brothers, we got a whole lotta change goin' on around here. I thought I liked change, I think I still may. And maybe it's not really about change, maybe it's about all the unknowns. About an innate fear of things not being as "okay" as they are now. Of our children failing, of our children being put in harms way, of losing a loved one, of not being able to manage everything, of meeting new people, of losing friends, of not doing a good enough job, of not understanding something, of being tired.

So for now my reality is that I fear my life will be very different a year from now and maybe there's really nothing to be afraid of, but if there is, I'm going to embrace it with everything I've got and if that means "suffering" through a TWO HOUR AND FORTY MINUTE movie about blue people in order to be with the people I love the very most, then by golly I'll do it!

But I think they should sit quietly with me soon and listen to the clothes dryer running.

Lay down with me five more minutes...

These are the words that melted my heart tonight. These are the words that make me know what I am here for. These are the words that send me right back to an eleven year old girl to scoop her up in my arms and tell her--again--how much I love her. These are the words that not so long ago seemed a bit inconvenient at times...how could I have been so wrong.

WARNING: If you couldn't tell--Sappy Post Follows!

I just finished putting a child to bed. A precious little eleven year old girl who was the best surprise of my and my family's life, a girl who still seems so tiny to me and yet it's as if I am watching her grow every minute of every day at a pace that makes me want to scream for time to stop, a girl who is oblivious to anything but the very best the world around her offers, a girl who, for some inexplicable reason and without her knowing it, has taught me the value of being a mom.

Like I said, there was a time when hearing "Please lay down with me five more minutes mom..." resulted in me thinking things along the lines of, "oh my gosh, I have got to get that laundry off my bed...when am I ever going to get the rest of the bills paid...those dishes are never going to get done...if I lay down for five minutes I will be the one falling asleep."

Not any more. I'd take everyone of those times back now if I could. It's not to say that I now have undying attentiveness toward my children at every waking moment. Anyone who knows me knows that to not be the case. However, I would bet a kid or two on the fact that anyone who has known me for very long would also say I am not the same mom I was thirteen years ago when my oldest child was eleven. I may not even be as attentive as often as I was with my other children. BUT my attentiveness is finely tuned, sharpened to a fault and hones in on far fewer trivialities than in the past. Now let's get something straight right now--I deeply love each and every one of my children equally and in a way that only a parent can know...yes, I would stand in front of a moving train for any one of them...well....yeah...I think I would do that. Anyhow, from here on out it goes without saying that I do not love one child more than any other, nor do I value one's existence more than any other. However, with every child, and with every year of motherhood comes more and more enlightenment.

Enlightenment for me tonight was thinking about tonight being next year's tonight, when "my baby" would be entering a school of a thousand strangers. I mentioned that to her (not the "stranger" part, for pete's sake!) and she shared her hesitation; it being a little "scary". I assured her it wouldn't be (at least not nearly as much as it would be for her mother this time next year!), and that I shouldn't have even brought it up because tomorrow she would be Top Dog at her elementary! How exciting. How comforting. How...sad.

Yep, this is a downer, but I got so sad thinking about this next year being (another) last for me. We will have been in attendance at Jarman Elementary for eighteen years. Yes, eighteen years. OK, if I must be totally honest, our family was not represented one of those eighteen years. Only one, the other seventeeen we had full representation of at least one child and sometimes two. Seventeen Meet the Teacher days, seventeen Back To School Nights, seventeen PTA sign-ups, seventeen volunteer forms, seventeen First Days of School and seventeen Last Days of School. Not to mention all the other activities year in and year out over this span of time. As much as I have teased about it, it has been one of the most rewarding, fullfilling experiences of my life, and certainly my kids' lives. So the thought of this being the last year made me cry.

I don't want all my kids to be out there in the big, fat, scary world. I don't want to be looked at funny when I bring their lunch up to the school for the sixth time even though I've told them I will never do that again. I don't want to be a parent of a student ID#. I don't want them to learn about sex, drugs and rock and roll. (ok, we have already had some of those discussions, but in Leave It To Beaver land here it is a bit different than the Land of Reality coming up). I don't want this to be the end of these wonderful, wonderful times.

For all you who know me well enough to know how sappy this all is---you'd better watch out for me...Good Lord, I even mentioned homeschooling! I mean, can you imagine??! When my other kids would start complaining about their school, or the classes or the teachers, that was all I had to say..."well, you knowwwww, I could always homeschool you". I'd say it in the sincerest tone with all the motherly compassion I could possibly muster up. "Uh, nope...no thanks...it will be fine...uh, I can work this out...really...no problem mom, don't worry about it...really". Yep, that's all it would take.

Well guess what...guess who said, "you know, I might want to do that next year mom"! Most amazing part was I thought "oh thank goodness, there's just got to be some good homeschooling websites...maybe even a facebook group".

Alrighty, so clearly this isn't so much about her. It's about me.

It's about the great (and often not-so-great) life of Mom-dom. The ups, the downs, the unepected curve balls. It's about the most valuable and noble and honest and gut-wrenching and spectacular "profession" in the world. Some would say I need a life. I strongly disagree. I have such a full and blessed life that I can't imagine filling it with anything else. That's the problem...I can't imagine. I can't imagine filling it with different things.. I can't imagine what it will be like not walking into that elementary next year and seeing those familiar (seasoned) friendly faces, not getting to know the less familiar (youthful) but equally friendly "newbies", not having my daughter at a school where everyone knows her, knows who she is and what she's like.

You know what it is, it's that I simply can't imagine what The Plan is. That's what this boils down to. I guess a lot of it really isn't my call. I mean, what's He cooking up for me...or us? I know He's not cruel; I know He's got a sense of humor; and I know He's got a plan. I try and do the right thing, I try and think about how things will effect these kids of mine, I think I'm on the right track most times. I guess the "not knowing for sure" part is the part that's supposed to make it all more exciting--make us try and do our very best. However, instead, I find myself looking back and thinking how much I've learned, how many "if I knew then, what I know now"s I have, how valuable my job has really been and how serious a job it is.

But right now I'm just wallowing in the bittersweet moments of this "final" year. I'm hoping that eleven year old girl will ask me to lay down with her five more minutes this time next year too.

WARNING TO FUTURE SON-IN-LAW

So, we're leaving for vacation in 35 hours. No, I'm not packed. This is far more important. As noted in a previous post, my daughter is getting married. Her wonderful fiance is coming with us. The car ride is 14 hours long. We are not that bad of a family, but we are a family. I felt obligated to send him the following:


Hello Dear Future Son-In-Law!

I am writing this to let you know how excited I am for next week AND that you are coming! I know Sam is excited ;-) Now, as your mother-in-law to be I would be remiss to not inform you of the situation you are about to enter. Let me start by saying that you will see Biddicks at their best, and you will surely see Biddicks at their worst…hopefully not their very worse. These are the things you need to be fully prepared to witness and deal with: cramped legs from an exhaustingly long car ride; arguments over music, movies, personal space and seat arrangement; whining about driver—regardless of who the driver is; there will be personal character attacks, accusations and bold-face lying; there will be few stops associated with anything besides “necessity”; and there could be foul odors, all of which will likely be blamed on the “new guy”…you. That’s just the car ride.

When we get there, there will be discussion on where and how to park; the best method of unpacking the car; who should be carrying what; there should be some critique and complaining about something to do with our accommodations; there will rarely be a time when everyone is hungry or tired all at the same time; there could be outright yelling matches and perhaps even a slap or two (however this is unlikely—but always possible); there will be periodic foul language; there will be nagging regarding “helping”; disagreements on activities, food, and, again, seating arrangements; there will be races for the bathroom and lines waiting for the bathroom; and there will be the proverbial “time-out” for various individuals. And, you my dear get to be in on all of that!

Having forewarned you of said “issues”, I will now let you in on some other less distasteful things that may or may not happen. There could be some type of minor catastrophe that pulls everyone together in a very interesting and comical way (i.e., losing only pair of prescription glasses in ocean, car breaking down, allergic reaction to jelly fish stings), there will likely be some decent enough food; very likely game-playing will occur several times; a good and healthy amount of chastising, teasing, mimicking and ribbing will occur; reading, laying and/or sitting around doing nothing, sunbathing, ocean romping, beach walking will all occur; 89 trips to Publix will be made for the BEST Light Caesar Salad Dressing on the planet and other various “forgotten” items; inordinate amounts of time will be spent at the corner junk (a/k/a – souvenir) shops finding just the right t-shirt; more games will be played; more beach time; more laying around will be done and lots and lots of laughing, cajoling, smiling and more laughing…hopefully!

At least that’s the idea for these fun-filled family adventures. We’ll see. But, we’re all really glad you’re coming! And I, by no means want to scare you off, but I did want to make sure that you had the opportunity to come down with a mysterious terrible communicable disease, just in case it all sounds too crazy and kind of scary! I’m guessing you won’t cause you’re a stand-up guy and all. But I sure hope you still like us when it’s all over!!

Looking forward to our week and really glad you are joining us!

Stephanie


It's like a bad test where set-ups to fail are everywhere. I really don't expect him to be the one taking the test...it's more like "us" taking the test...and poor daughter! We'll do our best though. I know he'll be fine, but maybe I should have waited to buy the dress AFTER this, just in case!

Downhill, On Wheels

Some of you are going to think that because of my recent posts inferring my less than perky and attentive demeanor of late, that I am making this next one up. Maybe someone out there can vouch for this to verify that, in fact, I am not. Yesterday, in one of my many, many miles of driving, I was headed west on 71st Street. I've lived here a long time. I remember when 71st was truly "out in the country". I've seen 71st Street grow and grow and reshape in different sections. I've seen a lot of weird stuff on 71st Street before. I've seen weird stuff that was temporary and gone by the time I drove back by ten minutes later and I've seen weird semi-permanent stuff that's lingered for days, sometimes weeks. But to date, in my nearly 49 years of off and on living in this town, I have never, EVER seen a guy (whom I will refrain from calling "Jesus") walking down 71st carrying a cross on wheels.

Yep, I saw it with my own eyes. There were many things about it that I found terribly interesting, but my first thought was, "my gosh, I need to pull over and find out what the heck this guy is doing and does he need a hand". Honestly! That was my first thought and I got tickled thinking how that conversation might go:

"Sir....SIRRRR....Yes, YOU sir....you with the cross...yeah, could you hold on a sec" (he was moving at quite some pace--I decided it was not so much that he was in a hurry as it was that he was going downhill and carrying the most massive cross I've ever seen). "...uh, sir, uh..do you need a hand with that?" (well, DUH! He's carrying a CROSS--a big, heavy cross...of course he needs a hand with it!) Or should it be "excuse me sir, but what on God's green earth are you doing?" (clearly, the answer is: Carrying a cross down the street)

I didn't stop. I gawked as best as one can gawk going 40 mph. Here's the visual: Caucasian male, approximately mid-to-late 30's, blue jeans, t-or polo type shirt, shorter light brown hair. The guy is walking on the north side of Sheridan headed east. And, well, he's carrying a cross. Now before we go any further please let me disclose that I am a full-fledged cross supporter. Truly--I have no cross issues. It's just not every day when you see a cross of this magnitude. It appeared to be made out of wood. Based on how far it was dragging behind it's bearer, it was about ten feet long. The crossbars were square block-like construction about 6x6 inches thick. At the bottom of the cross was a set of wheels.

Wheels you say? Yes, wheels. Nice sturdy rubber wheels. Herein lies my perplexity with the scene unfolding before me. I know a little about the "Real Cross-Carrying Dude". I know He was pretty worn out before even being forced to carry His cross. I know He did this somewhat unwillingly, or at least with grave hesitation. I know His cross was not quite so finely sawn. And I, absolutely, without one teeny tiny doubt, know His cross had no wheels. Nope, not even one rickety one. Not even an itty bitty wheel. No wheels, no where, no how.

So this brings me to my possible question above...what in the world is this guy-with-cross doing? What is he trying to say? Trying to prove? What is his motivation? Well, I'm going to be generous in my theory of this situation. Of the above-mentioned Cross facts I know, I'm giving 71st Street TCG (Tulsa Cross Guy) huge benefit of the doubt and I'm offering him three...yes, THREE of the above mentioned similarities:

Perhaps TCG was tired. Maybe he'd had a really bad day before, exhausted from work pressures, overwhelmed with life's curveballs. Heck, maybe he'd even been beat up a little. Who knows. Again, just trying to give benefit of the doubt here.

In some weird way, maybe he was being forced to do this. Maybe TCG felt his calling was to cross carry down 71st Street. Maybe someone was blackmailing him. Maybe he lost a bet. Again, no way to tell for certain, but it could be entirely possible that he was in no way a willing participant in all this. (Not quite sure how one would prove that, but we'll go with it being a possibility)

Finely sawn wood is what I believe TCG's cross wood was, but I've got to give an out on two counts here. Maybe TCG's cross was prickly and splintering and rough. It very well could have been. Remember, gawking at 40 mph does not necessarily give you the most accurate perception. Or, and I find this far more unlikely, could it be that MFCG's (Most Famous Cross Guy's) cross had been sanded down a touch. Maybe there was a sympathetic follower who smoothed out some of the rough edges as a form of compassion. I should probably know this one, but I don't. Regardless, I'm giving TCG the benefit of the doubt here also.

BUT WHEELS??? Nope, NO WAY MFCG definately did not have wheels on the cross He beared. No discussion, no questioning, no doubt.

So that leads us to exactly what is TCG trying to say? I think we must assume that he, in some way, is trying to emulate MFCG. I'm guessing there is some statement of "...man, can you believe MFCG did this way back when?", or maybe it's more "please know that there was this guy who's done this before". But context??? Could we have a little context please? I mean I believe, have faith in and fully acknowledge MFCG life and death and the redemption I believe comes from that. But for those who are a little less faithful, perhaps, no faith at all or maybe even totally clueless to the whole cross thing, then this could have been just a smidge confusing, dontcha think? And, if you are trying to sway the masses, wouldn't you try a bit more authenticity? Maybe a robe of some sort. Some sandals? Longer hair. Rougher terrain. And yeah TCG--ditch the wheels.

I mean...come onnnnnn. You have got to be kidding! WHEELS? If the whole cross thing wasn't enough, then the wheels just sent the whole deal into "uh-huh" mode. I ain't believin' anything you got to say dude. No pain, no gain. In fact the more I think about it, the more I think this was insulting. What a cheat. I guess if MFCG isn't your deal, then the wheels seem logical;
"I'm going to go out in Tulsa today and try and prove some insane point and, hey...I know...I think I'm going to carry a giant cross to help prove that whacked out point of mine. But man...that cross thing is gonna be a drag to carry around...HEY PHIL...Phil, you got any small wheels in your shop? You mind putting some on my big giant cross here? That'll make it a whole lot easier to lug around today"

But to me it's like saying "yeah, see this little kitty, it's really a mean tiger" or "hey, wanna go work out?" and you meet at the icecream shop instead or "I want to tell you a story about Cinderella, but she's really an heiress when she starts out." It's bastardizing the story. It's saying I want to tell you about something really special, something I really believe in, but you know...I want to leave out all the tough parts. I don't want it to be so hard for me to tell, and I sure hope you get the point.

It is entirely possible that I am making too much out of Tulsa Cross Guy. At first I thought, how odd. Maybe he needed a job. Maybe this was his way of making 71st Street drivers think about Most Famous Cross Guy that day. It made me think about it. And then I wondered if those wheels got going very quickly down that really steep hill if TCG would stumble, fall into traffic and get run over. Nahhhh, I think even MFCG would save him from that peril. In an odd sort of way I'm glad that the real MOST FAMOUS CROSS GUY didn't have wheels. No doubt wheels would have been nice--but I think it would have changed up His story a bit.