YES, STRINGS ARE ATTACHED

We did it! We got the girl there. It was a great experience. I'll write more about that part of it later. Yes, I had to pull over for a lengthy hyperventilating, full-on guttural sob that commenced before I had even made it out of the parking lot. Scared the heck out of my husband, especially since I was driving. God, I will miss her so. She has been such a delight and integral part of the genuine happiness in our family home. But, on to bigger and better adventures for us now!

As a parent sending your child off to another town, to college or anywhere outside the safe confines of their home, you tend to spend that last few weeks, days, (maybe even months?!) enjoying time with them and trying to impart those last few nuggets of wisdom you have to offer. "Safety" was my main concern, so we talked about that a lot. We talked about the college experience in general and her older siblings had a lot of sage advice. But, I found myself talking around things instead of being blunt.

Today I received the receipt for her first semester's tuition. I forwarded that receipt to her in an email containing the best college wisdom I could muster up. It may not be the best college wisdom for your child, but it is a few of the things we have found to be successful in our lives.

"Hi there!

So, here it is…final payment for your first college semester! This is not a “gift” or a “right”, this is an opportunity that will help you move forward in attaining a good job which allows you to lead a life you will enjoy and benefit from. Hopefully one in which you too can give to your own family and community one day. Even with college educations, there are a lot of bad jobs that are expensive choices and make your future a lot harder, so be wise.

This opportunity you are being given is not without “strings attached”. While we know “you’ve got it”, please take a minute to read these. These things are PROVEN to work 100% of the time. This is a time for you to think about YOU and take advantage of this blessing and opportunity!! 

Here are THE STRINGS that we've attached in no particular order:

         —Work hard.  College is not easy. The next five years will be the hardest you have ever worked. But it will be one of the biggest rewards for you as well!

         —Study a LOT, daily, whether you have homework or nothing at all..study the material being taught in your classes every single day (refer to the hours they suggested as a minimum at orientation). You really can’t study too much. Make sure you are studying the right things too.

         —Get help.  This is the one thing that for some reason all college students have the hardest time doing. Please get help sooner rather than later. Your university offers a ton of free tools that are available to help you succeed. If one doesn’t work, try another! If you are studying a ton and still struggling on tests, then you are not studying the right things or you are not studying the right way—get help. Remember—we pay the university to TEACH you and if you are truly doing your part and still not succeeding, then go seek out help. It’s not because you aren’t smart or can’t do it and sometimes not even because you’re not working hard enough…it may just be you need to find the right help. Don’t get discouraged.

         —Stay focused and don’t let any one or any thing get you off course. It is ultimately your decision to focus on what you should and need to be doing, not someone else’s. It’s your decision/choice to set and keep your priorities straight.

         —Be serious. Everyone says “have fun in college”!  Well of course you are going to have fun! That is the nature of college. That’s why SO many kids drop out or end up with sucky majors…cause they “had fun” (well, too much fun). The ones who succeed are serious about what they are doing. This is a responsibility that you have…a job. It really is. It is your job to be serious about this. We really do know how hard it is and what it takes to be successful.  So it is a big responsibility that you will have to approach with serious determination.

         —Don’t procrastinate it will bite you in the butt if not every time, eventually when it’s really, really important. There are no excuses if you have procrastinated and find yourself in a jam and that is a sickening feeling. If you put things off, that dreaded butt bite will DEFINITELY happen.

         —Learn, Learn, Learn…everything. Learn about how to use your computer properly. Learn what methods of study really work best for you. Learn about all the things the university offers. Learn about your coursework even if it’s boring. Learn about other people. Learn about your major and what it is really about. Learn to speak intelligently. Be curious about topics, subjects unfamiliar to you. Learn about them. You’re there to learn. Do it.

         —Don’t take things (anything) for granted. Never forget this is an opportunity for you that is short-lived and very dependent upon your participation. Be thankful and appreciative that you, your parents and your family have (and are) all working hard to help support each other. It’s not just about the “money”, or the financial, it’s about the privilege and blessing of all things, both material (school, home/neighborhood, clothing, car, etc.) and non-material (faith, family, friends, support from others, intelligence, health, God’s graces, etc.). Take time to give thanks…a lot.

         —Be genuine and sincere. Don’t be fake-y or someone/something you are not. That only serves to attract disingenuous, insincere people around you. You are a smart girl and you should act like one. You don’t have to act airhead-y or shy or funny if you don’t understand something. Just ask, or learn about it then add it to all the other smart things you know. College is for learning (see above!). Being genuine and sincere is the best way to surround yourself with very good, genuine, sincere people and that is important.

         —Put some thought into your decisions first. This seems obvious but so many times you will be rushed and in a hurry or tired or feel torn by another persons desires or other situations. Just take a minute to decide what really is the best decision for you in the big picture…not just at that single moment. This is different from “Make Good Choices”! We know you will do that. This is more about taking time to think about how your choice is effecting the big picture of your college education. You may need to rest, you may need a break, you may need to pass on something really fun because you are behind on classwork or have a particularly hard test or paper coming, you may need to get some help with something when you really don’t want to make that effort, you may need to spend some time taking care of yourself, your body. Take some time to think about your “good choices” before actually making them.

         —Do your best work.  College is competitive and you will have to determine your goals early on and do your best to hit those marks. You have to remember that there are a lot of other people wanting the same things you do. Those who do the best work and work the hardest are usually the ones who make it through to the next level. That’s how nearly everything in life is anyhow, so may as well get into practice of doing your best now!

         —Go to church and go to some of the student activities there. Yeah, yeah. BUT…find me the person who says, “you know I did go to church and some student activities and it was a real waste of my time…I had tests, homework, I really wish I hadn’t made time to go to church or the student stuff at the church while I was in college”  Find me that person. You won’t. But you will find people who say, “I wish I had done that (or done more of it). It helped ground me. It helped me remember my perspective and get my priorities straight. It helped me think about others during a time when we naturally think only about ourselves. It reminded me where I’m from, that I’m loved, that I have responsibilities and obligations to do and be good”. Those are the things you WILL hear.  Just do it. Get involved some at church. It will make a difference and it could make a HUGE difference. Don’t wait until you need a difference to be made. Go every week. 

         —Don’t ever forget that you are loved. Tired of hearing this one yet? Well, there will be some times when it is tough and when you mess up or get in a jam. We will not always be able to help you or it may be best for you to figure things out. But regardless, we always, always, ALWAYS love you and, even greater than that, God always loves you and He is always there, in that dorm, in that classroom, at that party or movie or in that study hall or library. He is there loving on you every moment. That is a big deal. That is the best. Pray, ask Him for help and guidance, thank Him for everything, let Him know you are happy or scared. Just remember He, and your parents love you always.

         —Call, write, text, email your parents and Pray, ask, thank and talk to God.—Please make sure and touch base with BOTH of us! God, like us, misses you when you are away. Find moments to connect with Him and with your parents and the people who love you.

This may seem like the Charlie Brown teacher “wahwahwahwahwahwahwah”, but I promise it is not. Try and remember these things, or go back now and then and re-read them. Coming from a college drop-out who knows from first-hand experience what she WISHED she had done right in college, I can tell you these things work. They are the “strings” we’ve attached to providing for you the next several years. They are good things and you will SOAR if you take them to heart!

love,

mom"

So there it is--all the sage advice and motherly wisdom I could impart to my daughter who had a wonderful "First Day" and an equally great "Second Day" in her new life!  I've sworn not to call her every day, but she'd better pay attention to that last string attached I mentioned or I may have to break a promise!  

ONE WEEK FROM TODAY

The last couple of days I'd been working on a post about my "feelings" about this upcoming week/weeks/months and the changes that I am facing. It was a sad little post, that frankly, no one, besides me, would have cared much about. With the exception of being somewhat cathartic, I'm glad I didn't publish it.

Today, I woke up and the first thing I thought was--It is Sunday! My daughter came downstairs for breakfast and we greeted each other in our ordinary, dreary way, 
"Good morning"
"morning"
"sleep well?" 
"yeah"
"You hear the storm last night?"
"no"
"there was a tornado"
"oh"
I let her get to the business of eating her cereal.  After some sugar had permeated her system I knew I could get her attention so I offered up my morning thoughts.

"One week from right now, you will wake up in your dorm room and either think 'wow, my mom nailed this comfortable bed thing' or 'wow, my back hurts'. But either way, one week from right now, you get to wake up in your own new room"

She raised up her head from the cereal bowl in front of her and while she was still thinking through her morning fog, she replied with a whopping, "yep. that's right"

And then I said it...

"Yeah. One week from right now, you can wake up and do whatever the heck you want for the entire day"

That caught her attention enough for her to choke back the massive scream of joy I could tell she was holding back, and a small, but powerful grin came over her face.

For one of the first times in the last several weeks, I grinned too. And that grin turned into a very large smile. A smile of remembrance. A smile of excitement. A smile of thankfulness. And, I told her before I left the kitchen, "you're gonna love it!"

I went back and shared our morning exchange with my husband and found myself unable to stop smiling. I told him how I vividly remember my very first day waking up in my dorm room and how totally thrilled and excited I was. He couldn't believe I could remember it, but I do. I remember how I felt and I remember some of the things I thought. I remember being momentarily apprehensive about what I was supposed to actually do, but the feeling of independence, of "freedom" and curiosity quickly overtook any apprehension still looming within me and I carried on. For me, the days and weeks ahead proved to be filled with activities and opportunities in which I was eager to participate. I was in control of my destiny and was free to make my own choices. And that I did. 

Unfortunately I made terrible choices and went down equally terrible paths that made my immediate "destiny" rather grim, to say the least. I was irresponsible and far too immature to turn my newfound "freedom" and "independence" into something that would eventually 
benefit me. Basically I was a mess. Eventually I left school and it took several more years for me to finally get my life on a more positive track.  That track came for me only when I began to lead my life with the help and acceptance of something much grander than myself.

So now I watch my youngest daughter with all the same anxiousness and excitement. I watch her hold back her ecstatic smile and energetic readiness in hopes that I won't see how much she longs for this same independence. But I am comforted by her excitement. 

The night before this conversation, we want to mass. The homily was about the feast of the Transfiguration of the Lord and our deacon ended his homily saying "ain't God's love grand!", connecting a reference he'd made earlier in his talk. It was at that moment I realized I was spending my last weekly mass with this young girl of mine. Toward the end of the mass our priest gave blessings to all people with August birthdays of which I was one. Afterward, as we were leaving mass, I mentioned to our priest that this was our daughters last mass in town before leaving for college and he immediately stopped and gave her a very thoughtful blessing. While I had just received a blessing for yet another birthday and a prayer for continued wisdom after all these (many) years, my daughter was receiving a blessing asking for God to watch over her, protect her and guide her in her upcoming journey in attaining wisdom for her many years ahead.  How special it was for me in that moment to feel God's grace day in and day out, year after year and to see that the circle of life is only due to His endless love for us.

When my daughter wakes up on this day next week, I hope that she wakes up with that same excitement, curiosity and independence that I felt all those many years ago. And, if she does think to herself "I can do whatever the heck I want", I pray that she remembers Gods grace, relies on His guidance and follows His commands as she makes her own choices and decisions during this exciting and independent time. I want her to remember "ain't God's love grand"! And, more than just remember, I want her to know His love and believe in His love. I am certain she will and I am eternally thankful for that as I watch her leave our home in very good hands.

REPURPOSED PUZZLE

Alone, not alone, sad, excited, worried, frustrated, apprehensive.  Crying, not crying, laughing, smiling, crying--a lifelong process for me is coming to an end. It's been a wonderful journey.

The last kiddo is leaving our house this week. She is ready to go. I should be ready for her to go...and I probably am. One minute I'm in love with her and the next she is driving me nuts. From experience, I know this is all normal. But it's still a process. A song comes on, I get teary.  Someone mentions moving, empty nest, or any number of other words associated with this upcoming change of lifestyle and my heart skips a beat.  Quietly (for the most part), momentarily (usually), regardless, a tear comes, a heart beat skips and it takes my breath away. And, even after reading my last post, I struggle. And then, I struggle with why I'm struggling. Or, for that matter, am I really struggling in the first place or just reacting to a situation I may not be totally prepared for?

Why the struggle? Even with all my normal mom fears, worries, concerns, I know these things turn out good and right for the most part. What if they don't? Then we work through it right? Ok--so check fears, worries, concerns off the struggle list. What if something bad happens? Can't control everything.  Gotta believe in the things I've taught and my belief in God's grace and mercy. So...check something bad happening off the struggle list. What about how much I will miss having a kid around? Back to that circle of life thing that I have always banked on in the first place. Happens. It's a good thing. You cannot get to the other chapters of the story if you don't get past the first chapters. And the other chapters are fun too. Check off missing kids being around from the struggle list. (and, as I remember, they do come home a lot)

So what's left?  Well, there is the normal well-behaved 19 year old girl who has successfully completed high school with good grades and worked 30-40 hours nearly every week of the summer saving 95% of everything she made.  I mean, yeah, there's some concerns when we parents take an honest look at our kids. They aren't perfect. No one is. There are things she still hasn't learned, doesn't know, doesn't even know about herself yet. But that's what this next chapter is about right? Her being in an environment that encourages her to find out about those things, learn about herself and the real world and still have a safety net "just in case". So guess I have to check "the girl" being the reason for my struggle off the struggle list as well now.

Back to what is the reason for My struggle with all these feelings. Key word there is "my". My feelings about upcoming changes are just that...feelings. They are important to me because they are the catalyst that determines how I behave at times. But, should that be the case?  Probably not. Life does go on. I know that. I know that from my marriage, from my family, friends and acquaintances, from 57 years of life situations.  I know that from raising kids. The changes I face are truly Lion King coming alive in my own personal "circle of life". And, while everyone is participating in this change in a positive way, I continue to dig my heels in as if I have the power to eventually stop the world from turning on it's axis.

If I look at my struggle honestly, it seems pretty simple. I have spent my entire life being a wife and a mom. I've not been stellar in either of these capacities. Decent enough, tried hard, but not stellar. But, even at my worst, I have still spent that entire time worrying and thinking about, cheering on, providing and doing for, orchestrating and advocating on behalf of, and, most importantly, protecting and loving the four people who are most important in my life...my four kids. Yep. I would easily without a seconds thought stand in front of a train, a herd of wild elephants or flames from hell for them. I truly would. That hasn't meant that I would do anything in the world for them, but I would love them and protect them with my last breath. And...as long as one of the four were still living here, with me and my husband, in this house, I have had a purpose. My purpose has always been to help them, to protect them, to love them. I have loved fulfilling that purpose.

But that day to day purpose is changing, ending. Right now I feel like I am standing in the middle of this life, with somewhat of a perplexed, and maybe even fearful look on my face, not certain of which way I need to turn first. And somewhere along the way, while concentrating on the purpose at hand, I forgot to take all the pieces to this puzzle of life along with me. I set them down, left them behind and didn't think about needing them later.

It is time to go back a bit. Regroup. Repurpose. I need to find those puzzle pieces I left behind, gather them back up and finish living out the puzzle of my own life. I need to find out what I like to do, what I do well, what I don't do well, what I want, what I can be and do in return for all that has been given to and for me. I need to find out what is my new purpose?

I know from my older kiddos that we mommas never stop helping, protecting and loving--never. But, as our kids get older the way in which we do that changes and becomes less hands on. So, we are left with more of our own time on our hands. Now I get to choose how to fill that time. Some of my kids are already concerned that I am over-filling the months ahead on my calendar as a way to avoid "dealing" with my feelings of sadness once I am no longer a hands on mom (or, in their words, "controlling everything"). But, contrary to their concerns, the squiggly lines on the calendar are simply a way to find where those last forgotten puzzle pieces are and then figure out where they may belong. The blank spots are there to give me time to reflect and read and learn new things, enjoy new adventures, relax with my husband and explore new possibilities and additional purposes  for which I was created.

Alone, not alone, sad, excited, worried, frustrated, apprehensive.  Crying, not crying, laughing, smiling, crying--a new process is beginning for me. It will be a wonderful journey and fun to work on finding the pieces to complete the puzzle

HINDSIGHT

Currently, we are in the annual season of announcements, endings and new beginnings, well wishes and pining over memories. While I have what I believe to be a good deal of personal experience in this annual tradition, I am struggling with this years festivities. This season of this particular year is one I have been secretly dreading. While I know that is all ok and very much the order of things , I'm still not quite ready.

I think I've written about having given birth to and raising four kids, staying married to one guy for several decades and being a stay-at-home mom for over 30 years now. (If I haven't written about it, then I need to get busy) My pregnancies and births were really no more spectacular than anyone else's stories. My older three kids have all grown into decent, good, upstanding adults, family members, workers and citizens. My youngest kid seems to be on that same path. My husband is still my husband and we still love each other. And, as of now, I am still a stay-at-home mom and have worn that title with pride for quite some time.

Given those premises, I'd like to think I know a thing or two. I know that having babies usually gets easier. I know that babies and kids all go through stages. I know that raising kids is really hard. I know that all marriages go through ups and downs--some go through more downs than others. I know that families are complicated. I know that moms and dads usually do things differently. I know that as you age you gain more wisdom and I also know that hindsight really is 20/20.

Hindsight tells me that most of the time everything is going to work out ok. Hindsight tells me that, for the most part, I've done my job properly. Hindsight tells me that I will always have new and different experiences to enjoy as I make my way through life. Hindsight tells me that some friends will stay, some will go, but my family will always be here. Hindsight tells me that even with family, I'm still required to reach out, give and be available in order to keep those family ties strong. Hindsight tells me that the love I had for my newborn babies grows into just as strong a love for them as adults. And hindsight tells me that no matter how much I know from hindsight I don't get to escape all the realities of the here and now.

Right now the here and now is graduation week for our youngest child, the daughter who has been our bonus child, the one who taught me that having ten kids would have been a blast. (you have to tip the scale over to four kids before you really "get" that!) I've seen a ton of social media tributes that parents are doing for their seniors. I keep thinking I need to do the same. But I just can't. Don't get me wrong...I'm super super proud of this girl! She is amazing and truly spectacular. But I've got to be honest in saying that while hindsight tells me I have a ton of cool stuff to look forward to with her in the next few years, right now I'm just not happy. Right now I'm sad. I can and will put on the happy face. I can smile and talk about her plans, our plans and admit to excitement over all that. But the fact is that right now, for my immediate future, I know what hindsight has taught me. Hindsight has taught me that I am going to really miss this girl.

I'm going to miss her like crazy....c. r. a. z. y.

Everyone's known that.  Everyone's mentioned or talked about it. I've tried to talk about it but I mostly cut those conversations short due to the lump that forms in my throat. I'm pretty sure my older kids fear that one day they may find me curled up in a ball rocking back and forth sobbing. That won't happen. Hindsight tells me I'll be ok, everything will be ok. But hindsight still doesn't take away the heart and the soul and the feelings we have for the people we love.

Instead of curling up in a ball, what may happen (or may have already happened) is finding myself softly crying in the shower as I think about her not being here. Or, me tearing up at the memories of the sheer joy of our little family when we brought this sweet girl home from the hospital or the memory of all her "performances" for us, or her unabashed pride in wearing her headgear at night when her siblings friends were over, or her last-ditch efforts to swim hard enough to make state or bring a grade up from a B to an A. I may feel sad when 5:00 PM comes around and no one is here saying "I'm taking my shower now"...every. day. at. 5 PM! I may miss watching her contain her excitement at the next Harry Potter news or Guardians of the Galaxy movie. I will definitely miss hearing that laugh--that outstanding, cheerful, full of life laugh--at an old episode of The Office or Friends, or a silly meme someone just posted, or something stupid either of her parents may have said or done, or enjoying being with her friends and listening to their funny stories. I will miss knowing the kindness she shows to her friends--I'll miss seeing her give a hug to a friend who's sad about a crummy swim time, or watching her encourage a friend who is facing a struggle or hearing about her cheering up a girlfriend who's boyfriend hasn't been so nice. I will miss that click-click sound she makes each morning calling her dog downstairs or that same sound at night when she calls her dog upstairs to go to bed with her. I will miss her willingness to be a part of my life even if it means Baskin Robbins instead of Braums, or mexican instead of chinese, a musical instead of a sci-fi movie.

One of the most interesting things I've heard this past year was while talking with someone who asked how I felt about my daughters upcoming graduation--she said very matter-of-factly "well, you two are pretty close". What? We are? How can we be that close...I'm just the mom? But when another one of my children agreed I had to choke back tears. Yes. Yes, we are...or at least I am. And, maybe in her own, last-kid-of-four-remaining-at-the-house way, she may feel the same as well.

So, while it may seem that I have depended on this kid for a great deal of companionship over the last several years and that I am now faced with redefining my Stay-At-Home mom title to mean something geared more toward my own future, I also couldn't be more excited to see what this incredibly special young woman does over the next several years ahead. I can't wait to meet the people she befriends. I can't wait for her to bring new friends home to hang out for the weekend or go to a concert or come for Thanksgiving dinner. I can't wait to watch what interests she develops, what things get her excited. I can't wait to hear her tell stories of her adventures and experiences. I can't wait for  that first time she calls excited about an accomplishment. And yes, I already can't wait for her weekend visits back home that I already know will pass all too quickly. Hindsight tells me that I will sit on the porch swing and wave good bye to her, wait for her to leave and spend a few minutes wiping my own tears away.

But hindsight tells me, if I'm lucky, she'll be back.

Anne, I love you infinity times a million 💞

Photo Credit:  Buona Sarah Photography







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God's Got This---and has for 30 years!

Over the last thirty or more years there have been numerous times I've prayed to God for help or guidance.  At times when things were particularly difficult, I went so far as to beg God to please just take over; take the helm.  I'd close my eyes and hold my breath and hope and pray everything would turn out ok. No time have I ever asked or looked to Him more often than when I was (and still am) raising a child.  The perspective I had when I started down this child-rearing road seems to be quite a bit different than my perspective now that I am winding toward the end of that road.

Thirty years ago I had just turned 25.  Thirty years ago today I was pretty sure I knew a lot of "stuff" about the world and people.  Thirty years ago today I felt ready to take on about anything. Thirty years ago today I would begin a journey that would teach me more about love and heartache, life and people and God than I could ever imagine.

Thirty years ago today I gave birth to my first child.

The nine months leading up to this birth were easy, peasy.  I read a basic "how-to" book or two.  Felt pretty confident.  Was a little tired, never nauseous, gained a bunch of weight.  We went to our Lamaze classes.  We learned how to breath and relax and "focus".  I was active. I was prepared.  No big issues.  No problems.  As our due date came and went, a date to be induced was scheduled, nearly three weeks beyond my due date.  And we waited again.  And waited some more.  But the baby never came.  Never. Came. --God, you've got this, ok?

That hospital date came.  So, again, I was prepared. Ready for that early morning check-in.  Ready for the medicine that would help my body help coax this baby out into the world.  The medicine came.  The contractions came.  The pain came.  The pushing came.  But...no baby...no baby came.  "They" could see it--there was it's head!  And there it went.  No baby.  Needless to say, anxiety and frustration set in as "we" tried for another hour to push this baby into the world.  Nothing.  Except ... some signals of distress on the monitors.  18 hours into this birthing process, it was time to switch the game plan. C-section.  Fine.  Whatever it takes.  Let's do it!  It's about 1:00 AM and I'd been rolled out into a hallway headed to be prepped for surgery that I realized, "oh my gosh--I'm going to be cut open" and I was afraid.  I was afraid for me and I was afraid for my baby.  And a million questions and scenarios and thoughts went through my head when I thought--God, you've got this, right?

I remember being rolled into a surgery room where lots of people were doing lots of things...quickly.  My wonderful doctor came in and visited with me, assured me everything would be ok and began preparing for his important job.  An anesthesiologist spoke to me about how this c-section would proceed.  Nurses strapped my arms down.  My masked and robed husband was escorted in.  I remember getting very quiet (very unlike me) and my husband getting very chatty (very unlike him).   People were moving fast and there seemed to be a lot of people in attendance "just in case"--God, you've got this ok?

An hour later at 2:00 AM sharp our baby was delivered.  There was commotion and the baby was whisked into a nearby room.  There were no cries, there was no "it's a boy! it's a girl!", there was no "he/she is ok"...there was just commotion.  I'm not exactly sure what my husband was thinking right then, but he was praying out loud...really loud.  Clearly I was not understanding what was going on.  The first time I asked "boy or girl?" there was no response, just commotion.  The second time I asked "boy or girl?" a bit more firmly and my doctors reply was simply, "Stephanie, I don't know. The neonatal staff had to take the baby quickly."  Through the commotion, I could have heard a pin drop.  "Is our baby ok?" While my doctor was working on me he calmly said, "They are doing everything they can. Susan, go check for them" Silence--Dear God, you do have this one...right?  

"Mrs. Biddick, it's a boy...and he's going to be fine.  He just needs a little help right now"

Twelve hours later I had a room full of people passing around our 7 lb., 14 oz. new bundle of sweetness.  My sister, my parents, my mother-in-law was there, a couple of my sister-in-laws,  stepparents, friends and even a few co-workers were there.  I was pretty tired and groggy so it was good that there were lots of people to welcome this sweet little boy into our world.  I remember worrying that I couldn't stay awake real well and yet I realized--no one really cares...it's all about him now--God, you got this one, right?

After nearly a week we took this baby boy home and introduced him to our little world.  I felt pretty comfortable taking care of him, my husband was so proud and helpful and kind, my parents pitched in to make things easy and we were off to a good start.  He was healthy and pretty much perfect in every way. As he grew a little older he slept well, was very well-mannered, hit the appropriate milestones for us to show off, knew many words, understood nearly everything, and, of course, was brilliant.  We had been right all along...if you just did things a certain way, then your children would respond appropriately--God, we've got this right?

While we were visiting my in-laws one weekend, we were marveling at one of his more brilliant moments or the fact that he would sit quietly and entertain himself while we adults did whatever we were doing, when my sweet mother-in-law turned to me and said, "you don't really know what it is like to have a baby or kid yet".  I was a little taken aback as I had assumed she too would be proud of her son and I for the fine work we'd done so far.  But, knowing that this was a woman who had nine children of her own, I also valued her opinion and thoughts tremendously.  What in the world did she mean and why was she saying that? I asked her and I distinctly remember her patient loving smile as she replied, "you'll see soon enough". Of course, unbeknownst to me, she had made an accurate prediction--God, we do have this, right?

This young little boy grew up enjoying learning, playing, having friends, being a loving caring big brother, attending mass, going to school, participating in activities, loving music (Mom, Dad...have you ever heard of this group called The Beatles??  They are fantastic!!), caring for our pets, becoming a big brother again and in general, never giving us a moment's worry.  He went to an excellent elementary school, middle school and high school and he excelled at all of them. We were proud of his every step.  And, I continued on my course of feeling as if I was doing what God wanted me too--God, I've got this, right?

A lot of things happened with this young boy as he turned into the man he is today.  He graduated high school with a full scholarship to a university.  He graduated college and went over seas to teach. He returned and went back to school where he met and eventually married his beautiful wife and became a part of another wonderful family.  He found a job at a college and continued with his education.  He and his wife had an equally amazing daughter and are now expecting their second--God, he's got this now, right?

But one of the things that I am most proud of on this, the 30th birthday of this incredibly special young man, is his godliness.  That sounds a little arrogant, and I am the last one on earth to speak to godliness: conforming to the laws and wishes of God.  But I can tell you that this young boy has grown into a truly good, devout man of God. He is kind hearted. He is caring, devoted and loyal.  And, he believes in the truest sense that God, really does "have this". He has recognized God's hand in his own life and in those lives around him.

Over the last 30+ years I've prayed "God, you've got this" in faith, I've prayed "God, I've got this" in thanks and "God, he/she/they've got this" in request, but the prayers have always had a question mark at the end, a moment of doubt, some insecurity. What I've been slow to realize is that I have had far less influence and "control" in raising this great guy (or any of my other great kiddos) than I would have liked to think.  Only out of God's love for me has it been possible for me to help bring this little boy into the world and only out of God's love for him has he become the man he is today.  God always had unwavering and resolute control each and every moment of each and every day of every year...thirty years ago and for endless years to come.  Beginning with my first child and with each blessing of life since then I have seen that while I can ask, thank or beg Him, God is always a step ahead of me.  I am blessed beyond what I deserve and I am proud that my son is years ahead of me in knowing God's grace.

Happiest of birthdays to you Travis!  

Love,

mom

GOD IS TRUTH

A few days ago I shared the "Does God Exist" video that's making the rounds on Facebook which attributes the conversation in the video to Einstein.  It was pointed out to me via a posted Snopes link that the video was not entirely "true".  That is likely correct.  The video was not entirely true…Einstein wasn't the student who debated the professor.  I'm not sure that the video was intended to exemplify a universal truth as much as it was intended to tackle a philosophical question.  The question being, how can God and evil coexist?  Clearly, a video circulating on throughout the internet is not the best format or avenue for attempting such a deep philosophical debate, but I liked the video just the same and thought it brought up some interesting points.

While I am certainly not willing to, and frankly not able to adequately debate the existence of God, I am very willing and able to share and profess what is my personal truth and belief.  I believe that there is ultimately only One Truth, through God and His Holy word.  I believe that we, in our mortal flesh forms, will never fully understand that One Truth until we become our spiritual selves after death.  I believe in life after death.  I believe in God and have faith in God because I have seen and known His existence every day of my life and I have seen and known his existence in death.  I do not need to fully understand to believe.  My faith allows me to trust His truth for myself and for all of us.

What I believe specifically is this:

I believe in one God, 

the Father almighty, 

maker of heaven and earth, 

of all things visible and invisible. 

I believe in one Lord Jesus Christ, 

the Only Begotten Son of God, 

born of the Father before all ages. 

God from God, Light from Light, 

true God from true God, 

begotten, not made, consubstantial with the Father; 

through him all things were made. 

For us men and for our salvation 

he came down from heaven, 

and by the Holy Spirit was incarnate of the Virgin Mary, 

and became man. 

For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate, 

he suffered death and was buried, 

and rose again on the third day 

in accordance with the Scriptures. 

He ascended into heaven 

and is seated at the right hand of the Father. 

He will come again in glory 

to judge the living and the dead 

and his kingdom will have no end. 

I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life, 

who proceeds from the Father and the Son, 

who with the Father and the Son is adored and glorified,

who has spoken through the prophets. 

This is what I believe. 

This is my truth. 

Gut Feelings

As a parent there are times when you have a fear for or about your kids that just simply scares you to pieces.  Scares the living daylights out of you.  Scares you to the bone.  And sometimes, you can't put your finger on it, but you know…or at least you fear that it is something bad, or at least something not good.

Sometimes those "gut feelings", or mom feelings as I like to call them are totally unfounded…resulting in total relief at being off the mark with your gut. Sometimes there is some logical reasoning behind your fear that ends up not being truth anyhow.  And sometimes you are dead on right. That is what you, in parent mode, always hope to be wrong about.

That moment happened to me today.  I'd been having one of those mom moments lately regarding a particular child.  I'd even tried to address it with them privately recently via email, then a very brief one on one.  Both times things were laughed off almost as another "there goes mom being silly again".  I can not tell you how much I hope that is true right now.

Again, I can't really put my finger on it exactly…you just sense something is wrong with your child.  You just sense there is something "off".  I tend to feel like that a lot, so it drives my kids crazy.  But this has been ongoing and basically unfounded.  Just simple things like a little less communication, not as many jokes, fewer smiles, sad eyes.  And then I go back to thinking it's just me.

But today I got a piece of mail with some personal information regarding this particular child.  It was medical information and not even necessarily that specific.  But there it was.  Tests.  Bloodwork.  They'd filed the wrong insurance.  sigh.  All the possible MOM ALERTS a mom can have all go to DEFCON5 instantly.  Do I call?  Do I wait for the 48 hours before I will see them again?  Do they know something?  Is it life threatening?  Is it potentially life threatening?  Oh Dear Lord, please don't let it be her--please make something wrong with me instead.  Please.  Can't breath.  Tears.

So that is where I am right now at this very moment.  I am terrified that something is wrong with my sweet, sweet daughter.  I am terrified that she is not well.  I am terrified that I won't be able to help her, make it better, make her happy.  I am terrified that she won't want to share with me.  I am terrified that she would keep important things from me.  (I now know that "important" is a relative term to a parent and a child, whatever their age…and it changes over time)  I am terrified not knowing what to do, what to say, how to act so that I don't over-react, how to let her know I would do anything…anything in the world for her.

I don't know what to do and I worry God isn't listening.  I know that isn't true, but I want to know everything is ok.  And I guess I want to know if everything isn't ok.  But maybe God wants me to be patient.  To let Him handle things.  I say that for other people all the time.  But when it's your own self, it's not quite as easy.

For now I pray that I will find the patience and wisdom to handle whatever lies ahead, great or small with love, kindness, dignity and most of all grace.  Because I am not the one in trouble…and hopefully my sweet daughter isn't either.

.....Welllll, she wasn't.  There was something going on, but "trouble" was not it.

I found this in my unposted posts list and when I opened it up I immediately knew what it was.  I had to smile just a little smile.

My sweet sweet daughter and equally sweet son-in-law became parents one month ago today.  That was what was going on...that was my "gut feeling"

...a new precious grandson.

It's funny how things work sometimes.

Exactly Perfect Planning on His Part

About 32 years ago, when asked what it was, exactly, that I wanted, I remember my reply distinctly--"I just want to be a wife and have kids and be a mom".  Not really knowing at all what that entailed or how, exactly it would all manifest itself, I (and my new husband of course) set our course in that direction.

About 22 years ago, when asked what it was, exactly, that I wanted, I remember my reply a little less distinctly--"I just want a little more space".  At that time I had a 7 year old first grader, a 4 year old pre-schooler, a newborn and anywhere between two to five additional children of varying ages at different times throughout the work week in our 1400 square foot house where I provided in-home child care.

About 17 years ago, when asked what it was, exactly, that I wanted, I remember my reply a bit flustered--"I just want all my kids in full day school".  By then my two oldest kids were in middle school and grade school, but my youngest still had the ever inconvenient half-day kindergarten.  I was working part-time doing estate sales around town and trading out child care with other moms in the same situation.  In early fall of 1997, I was waiting with great anticipation for August 1998 when, after 12 years of being home with children, I would, at last, have seven or more hours at home each and every day for nine months of the year.

About 16 1/2 years ago, when asked what it was, exactly, that I wanted, I remember my reply being quite hazy and blurred---"I think I want a gender ultrasound this time".  I realized around Thanksgiving 1997 with great denial and astonishment,  that I was going to be kissing the thought of soon having "seven-or-more-hours-at-home-each-and-every-day" goodbye.  Yes, I was more than a little taken aback at our news.  So much so that it was suggested I may need to "wait awhile before you talk about this much" after a trial run sharing our news with our oldest and closest friends.  The intention was to share the "fun surprise news", however my uncontrollable outburst of sobbing not only became somewhat inconsolable, but embarrassed the two husbands (mine included) to the point of them needing to leave the room for quite a long period of time.

About 16 3/4 years ago, when asked what it was, exactly, that I wanted, I remember my reply being silent and simply thinking---"I just want to keep busy because I have no idea how on earth I am going to do this".  At 38, I was pretty tired by then, but fear and anxiety and doubt can be great motivators at times and those are the things that motivated me to keep busy.  I was surrounded by supportive, happy, helpful friends and family and I appreciated it immensely. I'd intended on being a mom, had tried to be a good one, but was still confused about the time frame at hand and when exactly I would start doing other things…I knew it wasn't going to be any time soon though.

About 16 years ago on July 8th, 1998 when asked what it was, exactly, that I wanted I remember my reply with great clarity---"I just want a healthy baby girl to be born tomorrow". All I was capable of doing that night was to pray for exactly that.  I bargained.  I confessed.  I begged.  I pled.  Dear God, please forgive me for not knowing how to handle this and please Dear Lord just make sure she is ok tomorrow.

About 11 years ago, when asked what it was, exactly, that I wanted I remember my reply being rather distraught---"I just wanted her to start Kindergarten this year".  Pretty much like six years previously, that ended up not being the plan and I would be waiting one more year to have that time I thought would be so valuable.

About 10 years ago, when asked what is was, exactly, that I wanted I remember my reply being filled with excitement---"I just want to take some classes, go back to school, work on my scrapbooks, make the yard more pretty, learn to sew, to use a camera, maybe travel a little".  I had been home raising children for 19 years and it was time for me to spread those wings and do something for me.

About 5 years ago, when asked what it was, exactly, that I wanted I remember my reply being filled with confusion---"I just want to stay here…at home, with my family, at this school where my kids grew up.  I want all my kids home--home from other countries, home from college, home from high school activities and home with me and my husband and this little girl we have".

I'm a pretty slow learner.  Sometimes I am exactly wrong…but sometimes I just get myself off course. For a brief period of time 32 years ago I had it exactly right.  But then I lost my way.  I didn't understand what having exactly what you want meant or even looked like.  After all this time and all the "wants" and pinpointing exactly what it is I desire or wish for, it has taken me this long to figure out that I already had, and have always had exactly what I want.  I was given everything I ever wished for in these precious human beings called my family.  But it wasn't until I thought that I was done with exactly that part of my life that I began to be yanked into understanding that Someone far more powerful than I knew exactly what I wanted, what I needed and what would be best for me.

At 7:14 am., on July 9th 16 years ago, I was given, what would eventually become exact perspective. She came in the sweetest most perfect little package.  She was and has always been the happiest person in our family.  She was and continues to be easy going and pretty much maintenance free.  She taught us all remarkable things.  She taught responsibility  and compassion to her oldest brother.  She taught care, trust and adoration to her sister.  She taught protection and sacrifice to her younger brother. She taught support, persistence and confidence to her father.  And she taught me patience, kindness, flexibility and a bit of wisdom.  She taught me than even when you think your cup is full of joy and happiness and love, there is always room for more.  Her creation put into perspective exactly what God wants for me and, because of her, I now understand that exactly what I want for myself, pales in comparison to exactly what He wants for me.

The best part--she will probably never know how integral her very existence has been in teaching me God's love.  Her father was my first lesson, her brothers and sisters were additional lessons and she is the exclamation point at the end of this wonderful chapter.

Tomorrow when she turns 16, I will hug her and wish her a Happy Sweet 16 and I will rejoice in knowing I have already been given just exactly everything I could want.

Happy Birthday Anne!

26 YEARS AGO THIS HAPPENED

So yes--twenty six years ago today at 9:26 AM, I was strapped down to a table when both my obgyn's said something to the effect of "It looks like you have a keeper"…and then I heard this cry.

Even though we had one baby previously, due to some complications, I had never heard the brand new out-of-the-womb baby cry before.  This time I heard it and it was loud and strong and fierce.  But then I saw what that piercing sound came from and wondered how that was even possible.  How could such a tiny, frail, petite little creature make such a memorable sound?

26 years later, I can answer that.  Looks can be deceiving.

This was our first baby girl.  Most of my friends had baby girls.  I was one of only two girls in my family.  All my friends were girls.  I knew girls…or so I thought.  This little girl was just that….little.  She weighed in at only 6 pounds, 11 ounces and she was long and lanky and it seemed like I would break her if I wasn't careful.  But it didn't take long for her to let us know that she would not break, nor would she be broken.  She had her very own spirit from day one and that loud, strong fierce noise we heard when she entered that world…that noise was to let us know that she was setting her course and would not be deterred, distracted, discouraged and certainly not broken.

And that is how this precious girl has continued through all 26 years of her life.

Over the years, what she lacked in stature, she more than compensated for in spirit and motivation.  She was never a lazy child.  Where her confidence lacked, her determination took over.  She never had a day without purpose.  When she began to give way to emotion, her self-control would carry her through.  She was a thinker, an observer.  All these things remain true, still today.

This baby grew into such a unique, wonderful little girl.  The little girl grew into such a smart, intuitive, purposeful young lady.  The young lady grew into such a creative, patient, persistent, caring woman.  She has talent beyond her years.  She is overly modest.  She is positive and she is wise…very, very wise.

Besides the beautiful person she grew to be, is the fact that she is a truly wonderful daughter.  She is an amazing sister to her two brothers and her younger sister.  She will tell you (and she would not be lying at all), that I cried for one entire year…one. solid. year. before she left for college at the mere thought of our youngest daughter (10 years younger) not having her big sister with her day in and day out.  To this day we miss her even though she gave us a wonderful bonus family member (our son-in-law) that she handpicked especially for herself ;-)

So, 26 years ago, while I was expecting sweet coos and pink bows and frills and cutesy sing songy behavior from this tiny, seemingly breakable baby, God decided it would be best to send me a sweet 6 pound 11 ounce baby girl who very quickly straightened me out on that stuff right away.  God is good and He wisely blessed me with this precious human being who, to this day, makes such a strong, loving, dedicated, beautiful and fulfilling life for herself, her husband, her family and her friends.

And for that I rejoice in that piercing sound I heard 26 years ago!!

Happiest of birthdays to you sweet daughter!

I love you,
mom

50 Super Cool, Kinda Weird, Pretty Neat Things About My Sister

1.  Well…obviously--she's a hottie
2.  She was terrified of dogs and flying insects as a child.
3.  She makes THE BEST mashed potato casserole ever (ask her oldest niece)
4.  She's a solid color kind of girl--not so much a print sort of girl.
5.  She's super smart, even if sometimes she says she isn't.
6.  She was a much better behaved teenager than her sister (me).
7.  She was a flight attendant for a while and I thought that was so incredibly cool.
8.  In any single day, she will drink virtually no water.
9.  She fell out of a jeep once in high school (old story, but not everyone falls out of cars)
10.  The first time she tried out for cheerleader she made it and I was pretty jealous.
11.  She was forced to ride stinky llamas every year during vacation in Ruidoso (or Juarez?)
12.  She broke her arm jumping on the bed when she was little.
13.  She broke her nose on the playground when she was little.
14.  She has a high pain threshold.
15.  She has the most perfect natural nails of anyone I know and they grow fast.
16.  She's had nearly as many shoes as Imelda Marcos. Ok, not really--she just likes shoes...a lot.
17.  She hardly ever changes her earrings and she has four earring holes to use.
18.  She's a super fast reader and she likes to read.
19.  She's a rule follower…most of the time…sort of.
20.  She has a really, really loud laugh.  It's great.
21.  She hates to exercise about as much as her sister.
22.  She loves mexican food.
23.  She is an amazing mom---amazing.
24.  She remembers lyrics to old songs and lines from old movies.
25.  She LOVED Michael Jackson (she probably cried when he died)
26.  She has the tiniest fingers of any one adult I know.
27.  She can look at any gory, bloody, gross thing and be intrigued and interested in it.
28.  She raised an incredible son---don't mess with him… she will and could kill you.
29.  She can recite the McDonalds Big Mac song…backwards.
30.  She is extremely organized and loves a good schedule.
31.  She probably still hasn't forgiven her sister (me) for pretending like she (I) was dead in the bathroom while babysitting her one time.
32.  She maybe didn't like her sister (me) for a few years…understandably so.
33.  She has a wickedly sharp, SUPERB sense of humor.
34.  She is not crafty, hates crafts, won't craft but probably secretly is a crafting wannabe.
35.  She calls her brother-in-law "Cousin", when she's not calling him by his first name.
36.  Gin and Tonic used to be her favorite drink (may still be)
37.  Sometimes she dances on furniture if she's had a lot of margaritas and if it's a special occasion.
38.  She had her purse "purse-snatched" on a street in Chicago.
39.  She has a less-than-good back that probably hurts sometimes.
40.  She has super excellent curly hair that she's never really liked, and I've always wanted.
41.  She loves the beach but hardly ever goes there.
42.  She is a very quiet worrier--you'll never know if she's worried.
43.  She is an excellent worker--she can whip any office into shape in a matter of days.
44.  Her favorite thing in the world is to see her son succeed and be happy.
45.  She would make an excellent stand-up comedian rock star actress.
46.  She likes quiet and alone time.
47.  She once gave her sister (me) the coolest gift ever--an enormous Santa painting that I kept up year round for years.  It was (and still is) that cool.
48.  She considered buying a cute Puppy Halloween costume with her sister (me) when she and her sister didn't even own the puppies yet.
49.  She's not a big fan of squirrels…especially when they are in her house.
50.  She was the very best gift her sister ever got.  And I remember the very first time I saw her knowing that she was THAT extra, extra special.

And, I am honored and thankful to have had her for my sister for 50…yes, fifty wonderful years.  She is a true blessing in my life.  She is always there at any time when I need someone.  She is fun and funny and sensitive and thoughtful and kind and gentle.  She is many things I wish I could be and I admire her immensely.  She is a great person, a great daughter, a great mom and, a really wonderful sister that I am so very glad I have.

HAPPY #50 SHEILA!!

Love,
Your Older Sister

What You Really Taught Me Mom

So, my eldest daughter posted this really cool blog about me for Mother's Day.  She mentioned "influences" I've had on her.  I'm glad she didn't mention any of the really crummy influences she now knows to steer clear of.  But it got me to thinking…

How did my mom influence me?  What did my mom teach me?

So here it is mom--here are the things you taught me…

1.  You taught me that soap opera time was not "kid time".  I never quite understood why soap opera and ironing time were basically "off limits" for me because I remember you spending inordinate amounts of time with me as a kid.  Little did I know, how important it was for you to have your time free and clear (except for the whole ironing chore thing) to rejuvenate yourself for all the hours in a day you spent with us---really with us, doing things, teaching us stuff and letting us be with you.   I've not always been real good at this one with my own kiddos--I hated playing "dolls" and "pretend"…but give me a coloring book, a Lite Brite or some puzzles and I could outlast any 4-year old!  I found out years later that you really weren't so keen on the whole Girl Scout Leader gig that you volunteered to do for a few years, but you stepped up to do it.  I was a horrible baton twirler, and I'm sure you knew I was, but I remember loving it and you encouraged me to continue (or at least finish out the lessons).  What you really taught me was that time spent with your children is the most valuable commodity a parent can give their child and how important it is to give your time and be present for your children unconditionally--this is what you did for me.

2.  You taught me that you could sustain a family of four on a loaf of bread, some flour, milk, salt and pepper, a jar of "corned beef" and a toaster for about a week…and most of the time they would be happy.  You cooked for us every night.  Every.  Single.  Night. You made great meals.  You could stretch that grocery money and get a meal for four on the table for less than $3.00!  And you never complained.  At least not that I know of.  You always acted as if you had just created another edible Rembrandt and I remember thinking dinner time was really pretty fun most of the time…yes, except for Wednesday nights--but we've covered that one.  What you really taught me was the lifelong value of a family having dinner around the table at night…every night--this is what you did for us.

3.  You taught me how to be clean and neat.  Our house was clean.  Our clothes were clean.  We were clean.  Our teeth were clean and our hair was clean.  Our nails were clean, especially on Saturday when we had them "trimmed".  I remember hearing "cleanliness is next to Godliness".  While I am certain you may not have believed that literally, I do know it was important.  It was important to be clean and it was important that things were neat.  We knew where to find stuff.  Yeah, I know, we didn't have that much stuff to find, but when we did…we knew where it was.  It wasn't about the act of "being" clean or neat, it was about placing value on our bodies, our possessions and the things we worked for.  I don't know if we had "a lot" or not--I doubt we did.  But I never knew any differently because what we did have was treated just as respectfully and with just as much care as valuable possessions owned by the wealthy.  What you really taught me is not that "things" were important, but that being respectful of the things you work for and have is a duty and an honor that shows thankfulness for those blessings-- that is how you approached our "things".

4.  You taught me the Envelope System wayyyy before Dave Ramsey did.  You were doing the envelope system before time.  I remember a sense of frustration when those envelopes would come out, but I knew they were important and I knew you had a good handle on what was written on those envelopes.  Those envelopes had something to do with our family's budget and your job was to make sure those envelopes didn't self destruct.  And you did it.  You never seemed too upset about it, but now that I know about those envelopes, I am sure it caused great stress at times.  All I remember really thinking was that come August we would be making a trip to Penneys and Trippets and I'd better "choose" wisely.  I don't think I was the one who really got to do much choosing, but you made me think I was!  I know now that being frugal was how you were wired and, while you fretted about us not having certain things, I never once heard you whine or complain about any of that.  I remained clueless for wayyy too many years until I really did have to have one of those new-fangled Envelope System classes, where I thought "My mom has been doing THAT for YEARS"!  What you really taught me was that living within a budget, being thrifty and making a dollar stretch was what responsible people did and doing so with grace and humility and class was what honorable people did--that is what you do.

5.  You taught me that change is good and positive attitudes are even better.  I remember quite a few houses and towns.  I remember you always smiling and looking for the next opportunity…the next church to join, the next bridge group, the next neighborhood to enjoy, the next set of volunteer opportunities, the next friendships to make.  I don't know what I was like outwardly way back then, but inwardly I was shy and I was afraid.  And I watched you go into new and different situations over and over with determination, a smile and a great attitude…whether you had one or not.  I remember a few glitches…a bad school, a rat in the basement, a tornado, but you just moved forward.  You were not going to be distracted from the mission you had and in the end all would be good.  And it was.  What you really taught me that change is inevitable and even if we're shy or scared or mad, it's still up to us how we deal with things--the better we deal with them, the better they end up--that attitude is still your guiding force today.

6.  You taught me that pulling your hair through a cap is a necessary beauty treatment.  I remember you sitting in grandma's living room having your hair pulled through a cap to be "frosted".  I remember watching you put your makeup on and thinking how cool it was.  I remember you laying down on the floor with some pulley contraption hooked on to the door knob that when you pulled with your arms, your legs would move up and down. I remember you doing your nails every single week.  I remember curlers and bobby pins and pig tails. I remember you playing tennis.  I remember you swimming and teaching us how to swim.  (I hated that zinc oxide though)  I remember bike rides and walks and your first aerobics class, power walking at the park and now yoga.  I remember shopping for the "perfect" prom dress, wedding dress and vacation attire.  You have always had such great health and style and beauty.  What you really taught me was how important it is to present yourself in the best manner possible, deal with a few gray hairs with grace and take the very best care of your body and mind that you possibly can--and you continue to do this daily.

7.  You taught me that laughter heals almost everything besides broken hearts.  There were so many times I screwed up growing up---some big screw ups and thousands of not so big ones.  Later in life I could think back and gauge my screw ups by laughter…your laughter.  If it was a screw up I remember you eventually laughing about, I knew it was "normal".  But if it was a screw up that even later never elicited a laugh, I knew I'd pushed the limit.  Fortunately for me, you laughed a lot.  I remember you laughing so much at times with friends and family that I'd start laughing too not having a clue as to what was so funny other than the sheer amount of laughter going on.  I remember you laughing with friends, with family and with us.  You were willing to laugh at yourself and never laughed at others.  You probably laughed a little at times to hide some tears, but I remember feeling like most of your laughter was joy-filled good times.  What you really taught me was that laughter is truly the universal language--a way to get along with people and a way to stay positive; and that a smile can be some of the best medicine a person can offer someone who's unhappy--and you still offer up that laugh and smile all the time.

8.  You taught me that church is where the action is!  I think I remember nearly every church we were members of.  You made sure I was dressed in Sunday clothes---dress, black patent shoes, hat and gloves required on certain Sundays. When I was very small, you would lean over and tell me (ever so nicely) to hold still and "shhhh" during services…I was usually given a finger with a ring on it to mess with or sometimes a piece of paper and a pencil.  You assured me that people would not see or care about the swimsuit I had on under the white robe I was fully immersed in for my baptism.  You smiled at me after my first Communion and I remember it.  I remember feeling so important handing out cotton balls before giving my youth sermon on "Warm Fuzzies" on Sunday.  You made sure to come in my room a few Sunday mornings and tell me that even though I'd been out super late the night before with friends, I needed to get up because I "was going to church"  You encouraged and I enjoyed youth groups and bible studies and choir.  I remember feeling like there were other adults watching me…watching over me.  I remember feeling loved and cherished by a faith-filled community.  What you really taught me was the blessing of God's love and how, more than anything else, that is the ultimate joy and grace we have in our lives and that we should, as adults, always be willing to worship and give thanks for that gift--as you grow in your love of God still today.

9.  You taught me that granddads hide money in their pockets and grandma's sneak candy.  I loved knowing my grandparents and my great grandmother.  I can tell a thousand stories about Grandma Ollie taking me to that candy drawer, about Grandma Helen teaching me how to make jewelry, about Pap-pap sitting me on his lap and having me peek in his coverall chest pocket for "dodders".  You made me ride those llamas for a year or two too long, but you made the BEST fried chicken, for our long trips to New Mexico for vacation.  The bottle rockets on the 4th of July were kinda scary, but you'd let me hang out with Grandma Ollie and watch her iron.  We got with Aunt Sharon's family when we lived in Kentucky and we went to Aunt Shirley's for Thanksgiving one year.  Uncle Jack teased me a lot, and I hated that I didn't get to throw rice at their wedding, but Aunt Kay helped me be BEE-UTIFUL for one of my dance performances.  You took me to Aunt Fi-Fis and Uncle Bobs to go water skiing.  And I got to take Anne with Grandma Helen every Wednesday for a Super Walmart run.  You took us to visit as much as possible and then took such great care of Grandma Helen when she moved here.  What you really taught me was that there is no value you can place on family.  It is the single most important thing in our human lives and that we should cherish and honor and enjoy every moment we have with our family…always--while you delight and take interest in your growing family year after year.

10.  You taught me that Life is Good.  Do you have any idea how many times I've heard that from you or read that in something you've written in the last 50 years?  I don't even know if you know there is a company called Life is Good (check it out--http://www.lifeisgood.com).  I think they probably stole this  little slogan from you and are making millions of dollars off of it all the time I believe YOU originated it!  You have car problems, they get fixed and you say "Life is Good".  You are faced with 40 things to do in a week when you may be a little tired, you comment that you are just glad to be waking up in the morning and "Life is Good".  You bust a knee up, have a health scare, need some medical procedure and you go willingly, be the best patient you can, get better and say how "Life is Good".  You give and do and think about everyone else constantly, never asking for a thing for yourself and in your mind "Life is Good".  What you've really taught me is simply….that Life Really is Good and that we only get one and that is goes by fast and that we better make the best of it and love all the people we can--just like you do.

And that is what you have taught me….at least for now.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

I love you,

Stephanie